How to Create the Life You Want with Brooke Hemingway

Today, in the Scheer Madness Podcast, we have Brooke Hemingway joining us on the show. Brooke is a laid back, driven, nature-loving, island-living, natural-minded, practical mom of 6 little ones. She’s also a self-made millionaire and a strong believer in doing things that matter, making your mark, and living in alignment for what God wants for your life. She’s here today to talk about the importance of having a healthy gut, how to balance career, family life, and entrepreneurship, and the challenges that come with building relationships.

For more information about working with our team at Rachel Scheer Nutrition, book a free 30-minute call at www.rachelscheer.com/application 

Chapters:

• 00:00 Intro
• 02:08 Taking care of your kids and still have a career
• 08:16 Going through anxiety and depression
• 12:10 You can multiple priorities
• 19:55 When does gratitude become a distraction?
• 25:56 The hardest part in relationship and growing
• 41:32 Working on your gut health
• 51:41 What is common versus normal

Connect with Brooke:

• Website, LinkedIn, Instagram
• Align for Success 

Connect with Rachel:

• Website | Instagram | Facebook | YouTube

Podcast Transcript:

Brooke Hemingway: So many women in their forties, specifically that when I ask them what their dreams are, they literally can’t think of anything because they haven’t allowed themselves to dream or think about what they would want. And that to me is a classic, uh, mark of a life on autopilot. 

Rachel Scheer: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over.

And expecting different results, but if you are ready to level up your life and get results that truly matter in your health business mindset and relat. Then this is the podcast for you. Welcome to she madness where we have unscripted real conversations with the world’s top athletes, entrepreneurs, and coaches discover real world and tactical advice from the best in the business.

Let’s go. All right. Hello everybody. And welcome back to another episode of sheer madness. I have an awesome guest here for us today. She is a mom of six and creator of. Multiple, I think six and seven figure businesses, but she actually found entrepreneurship, you know, close to the age of 40, which I think is so, so powerful because so many of us women think that we have to delay, you know, having kids, having the marriage and all of this, um, in order to have the business success.

So she did it actually a little bit reverse. Um, she’s a creator. She. Speaker it’s you just an all around badass. So super excited to introduce, uh, Brooke Hemingway. Thank you for coming on the show 

Brooke Hemingway: today. Thanks. I’m so excited to be here and just speak some truth and, and talk about it all. So I 

Rachel Scheer: really, really wanna just like immediately dive into your story because as I, I told the audience, like you did this a little bit reverse, like you are a mama of six, like half a dozen.

Right. I think that’s even like your, your Instagram handle, right? Yes. You know, half a dozen kids and like you’ve been able to like, yeah. Do it all. Yeah. So let’s kind of like, Get a little bit reverse here, kind of, uh, what’s kind of got you to where you’re at now today. 

Brooke Hemingway: Well, um, it was a circuitous route.

Honestly, I started out in health and fitness. I got my degree in kinesiology. I worked as a trainer and a fitness instructor for like 20 years. And, um, in that period of time, I also got a degree in nursing. I worked in the ICU, so I worked in sickness. I worked in health. Um, I loved what I learned there, but I wasn’t truly passionate about it.

I did part-time work. I had been married for eight years. We started having kids. We weren’t people. Started having kids right after we got married, we played and got to know each other for eight years. And then we decided to have kids and we just kept having kids mm-hmm and I was buried in just being a mom and doing that thing, but I’ve always been someone that has a lot of passion.

I have a lot of energy. I have a lot of drive when I decide to do something, I wanna do it. I’m type a and I think. A big part of what helps me to dive into entrepreneurship is I started taking care of my health. Right. And I turned my health around and once I felt better physically, I was able to awaken like those passions and desires and find myself again.

So I think that was part of it is like figuring out like, okay, you know, I love my kids. I love being a mom. But it wasn’t everything that I thought it would be cracked up to be like, I, I love them so much, but there was this part of me that was unfulfilled. And I was able to find that creativity through entrepreneurship, it was messy.

It was hard. I started, um, after the birth of my fifth, so I had five kids, 11 and under, and I just started on this path. Not really knowing what I was doing, but knowing that I needed something else. Being home with my kids. Mm-hmm and I think a lot of women feel really bad for that. Um, and you know, if you’re married to someone and you can tell that they’re kind of, you know, unfulfilled or yeah.

You know, they’re, they’re not dreaming, they’re not alive. It’s probably because there’s a part of them that while they love their family and their kids, mm-hmm, , it’s, they’re not. 100% fulfilled and, and I always felt bad about that, but eventually I realized, you know what, it’s okay. I can love my kids and I can have a career mm-hmm I can love my family and my, my husband and I can have dreams and goals.

And so I just kind of stumbled into it about six and a half years ago. And it’s been. So fun and it’s fulfilled a different side of me that being a mom didn’t, but it’s been messy. It’s been hard to figure it out, but I like to be an example to people because you’re right. So many people think I have to put off, uh, being a mom or it’s not responsible.

In fact, I remember reading an article in people magazine, um, by a designer who’s much, much older. And she said that she had decided not to have any children because she felt like you couldn’t have a career. And be a mother. Yeah. And that it wouldn’t be fair to the kids. And I read that and it was kinda like fumes coming out my head.

Yeah. Because I was like, that is such a lie. My kids have benefited so much from me having a career and being an entrepreneur. And we might get more into that, but my kids have grown so much. They are entrepreneurial themselves. They’re driven, they love seeing me succeed and through what I’ve done, you know, I’ve been able to bring my husband home.

So, um, I believe that it’s a lie that you have to pick. One or the other, I believe that that is, um, that that’s not the truth anymore. That you can have it all. You can be a mom, if you want to, you can have a career, you can be a wife, you can be all the things. 

Rachel Scheer: So, yeah, I think that that’s so powerful and that’s actually like one of the big reasons why I wanted to have you on the show for like women to really hear that.

Because I think even for myself too, like I’ve had that, yeah. That kind of a mindset like I’m, uh, 29 years old, I’m like growing my business. I. The link, but there, like I’ve had the fear for the longest time of like, I can’t get into a relationship, you know, nonetheless like have kids and do all of this.

Yeah. So like, I know for myself, like to hear your story of like, I’m a, a mama, a six, I have an incredible relationship. Yeah. And a marriage, like, at least from like what I can see on the outside. Yeah. Like, it seems like you and your husband have just like, Such a beautiful, full marriage. And I feel like I read people’s energy, like very, very well.

You can kind of tell when it’s like, okay, they’re just kind of putting on a front. Yeah. But they’re like, or they’re just like super excited to like show off their person and show off their family. And like, I sense so much of that from you. Yeah. Like through the content and also just having conversations with you.

Yeah. You know, outside of like podcasting and things like that. Yeah. So I think that’s just like such a powerful statement. Like you can. Have it all and you know, for, for a lot of women and men too, but I think just the majority of women, it’s like, you know, either my identity is just being a mom. Yeah. And that’s all, all that I am.

I am, I’m just a mom. I’m a, I am a caretaker. You know, this is all that I can do. Or I’m an entrepreneur, you know, I’m running a business and this is identity. I’m a boss, babe. And it’s like, yes, I can. All of those different identities. And, you know, I know for myself too, like before I even gotten into entrepreneurship, I was in a, a five and a half year relationship.

Yeah. And I felt so empty in that because I didn’t really feel like I had this, this sense of like my own autonomy. Yeah. My own. Purpose. I felt like I was kind of like, even though I didn’t have kids yet, like I was that like caretaker right. Was taking care of the home, the homemaker. Yeah. And I, and I needed something like for myself.

Yeah. Something to be excited about something to really feel like I was pursuing it, you know, with everything. So I love that. Like, You you’ve done it a little bit of, of reverse, reverse, but also too. I, I will say, you know, sometimes people then like they have, let’s say like the family and they start the business and then they’re like, they put everything then on that.

And I think it’s because of that story that they’re telling themselves right. Of like, I can’t have both. It’s the story. So then they, they ruin the marriage. Yeah. They, they sabotage in a lot of different ways. Totally. Um, because they’re just like, hyper-focused on like one specific area. Um, I definitely that’s a big problem.

Yeah, I definitely wanna dive into like how you balance it all, but before we like dive into that, mm-hmm I also know, like you had a low point though. Yeah. Before you even really like, got to the points of, I think like building the business and all of that. Yeah. Mm-hmm tell me a little bit about that. 

Brooke Hemingway: So I would say for me a lot of my story, um, From the time I was like 16, right?

I’ll be, you know, I’m in my mid forties, uh, not a spring chicken, but from the time I was 16, I really struggled a lot with anxiety, depression. My parents got divorced when I was a teenager. Um, I was a really sensitive kid. I think a lot of people are, and you know, I had good parents. My parents weren’t bad parents.

There were just problems and they ended up separating, but that had an impact on me. And I started to have a lot more anxiety, um, depression. And then as I got married, I still experienced that our first few years of marriage, my husband was in med school and then he was a resident and I spent a lot of time alone.

I just remember feeling a lot of loneliness, like loneliness, sadness. Um, depression, anxiety had a great husband, but he was so preoccupied with all of that. So spent a lot of time by myself, then started having kids after eight years and experienced the postpartum, you know, depression and anxiety and those things that so many women.

Uh, struggle with and experience, but it’s not really talked about, or it’s supposed to be the happiest time of your life, but like literally you can hardly get outta bed. Right. Mm-hmm like, and so that’s what I experienced and I never would’ve pictured myself being someone that was happy. Um, as fulfilled as I am as excited I, as I am about life.

If I look at myself, Seven years ago. Cause that’s not where I was seven years ago. Um, I’d just given birth to my fifth and I, my life was just characterized by a rollercoaster, like up and down emotionally. Um, and I, I had lost track of taking care of myself. I had lost track of basic things that I knew I needed to do get enough.

Sleep move my body, like put good foods into my body, all those things that when you’re in the thick of whether it’s a business project and growing a business, cuz people do this when they grow a business, right. Mm-hmm they totally let everything go. Or you’re in the middle of, um, having kids, like you just kind of lose yourself and that’s what I’d done and losing myself emotionally through the depression anxiety, and then physically through letting some habits go.

I really was just kind of an empty, she. I was just kind of numbing out, going through the days, watching TV, scrolling, social media, you know, the things that a lot of people do. And I never, ever even had any idea about entrepreneurship or creativity or, or building things or creating things. And I don’t think I would’ve had that spark had I not started to take care of myself again.

Right. We kind of talked about this. How. I feel like health is so foundational. And I know you agree with this is that you have to prioritize your health. Like it is not an expense, it’s an investment. And that doesn’t mean just financial. Like it’s a time investment mm-hmm . And so I, I bought myself a treadmill and the kids would go to bed and it’d be nine o’clock at night and I’d be on the treadmill.

Right. And I got some dumbbells and I was like, okay, I’m gonna start taking care of myself. I’m gonna start doing the things that I need to do so I can feel like a human again. And so taking care of yourself that self care bit, when you struggle with anxiety, depression, or you don’t have a lot of vision or dreams or goals or hope for your life, I think it really starts with physically taking care of yourself.

And as I started taking care of myself physically and doing some different things to do that, I felt like I started to kind of like wake up and, you know, wake up to myself. Start to have ideas and creativity and more Z for life than before when I was just surviving. You know, would you 

Rachel Scheer: say, um, part of like what brought on the anxiety and the depression and that low point for you is like, not feeling like you had that sense of like excitement and therapist with everything, or what, what do you feel like brought that on?

Brooke Hemingway: I mean, I, I feel like. It started out with just feeling a lot of, I think a lot of people feel really lonely. Like a lot of people feel alone in this world. And I think especially even after 2020, like so many people feel alone, but my whole life I’d always had kind of like a sense of, uh, loneliness, not belonging, maybe not having a purpose outside of like, well, I guess this is just what I’m doing.

I’m having kids like this is I’m supposed to be happy. Right? My. Looks good on paper. I’m married to a devoted man. He’s handsome, cute surfer guy. I have these great kids. We built our dream house in Hawaii. Like I should be so freaking happy. Yeah. 

Rachel Scheer: Like just be grateful. Just be grateful for just grateful.

Yes. I think like, even too, like hearing that though, it makes me think about like, What part of it was that like you now though, like knew everything that was gonna happen for the rest of your life. You’re like, okay, now I’m a wife, I’m a mom. And like, it’s great. But like, I can like predict everything that’s gonna happen.

Like, well, not like everything, but like the most of everything versus like, you know, the excitement of like creating that’s really the creativity right. Is, is like that spark of just like ideas that come onto nowhere. Then we take these ideas mm-hmm and we turn it into something. Real. So I think a big, big part of where people battle with like anxiety and depression is like not really feeling like they get that creativity, that excitement feeling like they’re adding something to the world.

Like they’re bringing something new. Um, and they’re just like on this like autopilot mode and life can be great. Totally. Life can be great. They’re like, What is wrong with me? Like I have the home, I have the husband. Yeah. I have the kids. And then we start to get this like negative self talk. Like what’s wrong with me?

I should be 

Brooke Hemingway: grateful. That’s exactly what I would ask myself. Like that was the number one question I used to ask myself is what’s wrong with me? instead of asking myself what’s right with me. Right. Mm-hmm like, cause I thought there was something wrong with me and I felt really guilty for not being happier in my situation.

And some women are totally fulfilled. Like I wanna be sure to say, you know what? Some women love that they love being a homemaker. They love making all the meals and making the house perfect. Mm-hmm helping the kids like have everything perfect, but like that wasn’t me. And there’s no right way. Like if somebody loves that, that’s great.

And I thought I would like that. And I even used to judge people that were really ambitious and I feel horrible, like saying that, but I was like, well, once you have kids, shouldn’t your life just be about, you know, taking care of your kids and loving on your kids and taking care of your house. But that.

That was not doing it for me. And I spent a lot of years feeling bad about that and thinking what’s wrong with me when really, like, there was nothing wrong with me. There were just different facets to my personality and different facets that I was supposed to just unleash and unlock and, and share with the world.

And I really had to shift my. My perspective, even from upbringing or what I was raised about like, you know, what a, what a woman should do or shouldn’t do was like shifting. Yeah. The story to like, you know what? I can be an incredible wife. I can love my kids and I can be an incredible entrepreneur. Like I can have it all.

Without losing at all. Mm. Because you talked about that. Like some people, they go full fledged into entrepreneurship and then they like throw a grenade in their marriage. Right. Yeah. And like everything explodes. And, and that was one of the things that I was so afraid of. I was like, I don’t know if I can do this because I’m kind of changing the story here.

And my husband had it a certain way for so many years. Right? Come home house is clean. Dinner’s ready. Kids are ready for bed. I’m ready for him to come home to now. I’m, I’m ambitious. I’m motivated. I’m working a business and. It wasn’t easy. It definitely took a lot of adjustment and work, but it was so worth it because I think I’d be so depressed right now if I was still doing the same thing and not because I didn’t have a good life, but because I wasn’t being true to all of the things that I was supposed to express and all the things that I was supposed to create, everybody’s different.

Some people are happy in that situation. Some people have other talents, gifts and things that they need to explore, and they’re not mutually exclusive. like, you can have multiple priorities. This is something that I’m really passionate about. Cuz I come across women that have kids and they feel like, well, my kids are my priority.

And uh, you know, my family is my priority and my business is like down there on the list and I’m like, wait a second. Like your priorities are not competing. They’re not in competition. Your priorities support one another. Me working my business and making money supports my family, me taking care of my body, exercising, doing the things I need to do.

Take care of myself, physically. Supports my family. Right? So your priorities are working together. They’re collaborating, they’re not in competition. My family is important. My business is important. My health is important. I’m not putting them in this like, oh, well, you know, business is not important or your physical health is not important.

That’s what got me into trouble in the first. When I didn’t take care of myself physically, I 

Rachel Scheer: literally just got chills from you saying all of that because like, people seriously like, need to hear that because I’ve even had conversations with my person. They’re like, what is a priority in your life? Is it the relationship or is it your business?

And I’m like, freaking both, both are a priority to me and my health and all of it. I don’t wanna pick. Yeah. And like, what you’re saying is like, why, why does it have to be a competition? Right. Like seriously, why, why does it have to be, like you said, like my business is supporting my family. My health is supporting my business and my family.

And guess what? 

Brooke Hemingway: And my relationship mm-hmm with my husband. Right. If I take care of myself, I’m obviously gonna be more. Energized excited, more connected to him. Like this is not an exclusive thing and we have to stop this competing priorities because, and it’s always a battle in your head. Mm. And you always feel bad.

Like, Ooh, I’m not giving enough to my relationship. I’m not giving enough to my business. I’m not taking care of my body well enough. Like, you always feel like you’re failing when you pit your priorities against each other. And I just, I got tired of that. I was like, you know what? It’s all important. I love it all.

I’m gonna do 

Rachel Scheer: it. Is anybody else like getting chills? Like I am just because I just like wanna scream this on top of the roof because like, I’ve been like, seriously, I feel like, and I know no one can make me feel any way, but like I’ve, um, I’ve given meaning to like shame or guilt at least to, you know, feeling like I I’ve had to like pick I’ve had to pick between the business.

The relationship. And I know if I’m feeling it, like everybody else is feeling that as well, too. Yeah. Um, and it, it makes me really think, cuz I know you, you mentioned a little bit about how yeah. Um, for some women that may be like so fulfilling for them. Right. And this is not, we’re not here to say like, Hey, you, it’s less to go build like a massive six figure seven figure business or anything like that.

Mm-hmm but I think it really is paying attention to the fruits in your. Really like if the fruits like you were getting is I feel anxious. I feel depressed. Mm-hmm I feel like there’s something more, you know, that’s something to really lean into and start to ask questions versus, you know, someone else, if their fruits are like, oh my God, I am on cloud nine.

I, I am happy. I’m thrive and I’m loving life. And they’re just like a, a stay home mama. And like, that is, like’s their life’s purpose. It’s like good for you girl. Like seriously like that. That is awesome. Um, but what it really makes me like, think about yeah. Is just like, Where gratitude can almost become a negative in a little bit of a way mm-hmm um, because I’m all for gratitude, like finding the gratitude and life and everything, you know?

Yeah. Um, but at what point does gratitude start to become almost like. A distraction. Yeah. From what is really actually bothering us, because you could be, like you said, sitting there being like, you know, just, just be grateful, find all of these things that I’m grateful for, but you’re actually missing like something that’s deep, deep internal in you like saying you’re covering up.

I want something more, there’s something more meaning, but it’s like, no, just be grateful. Just free. Be grateful for everything you, you have 95% of your body’s serotonin is produced by the. Bacteria that resides in your gut. And this explains why when my gut was wreck, or when clients come to work with me at Rachel sheer nutrition, they don’t just suffer from things like bloating, constipation, diarrhea, but they also have symptoms of anxiety, depression, and brain fog because our gut and our brain are highly interconnected.

And as hypocrites says, All disease 

Brooke Hemingway: begins and ends 

Rachel Scheer: in the gut. And this is the exact reason why I am so passionate about taking a functional root cause based approach for any chronic health condition, gut issues, mental health illness, autoimmune conditions. Stubborn weight loss, you name it. Me and my team do a comprehensive analysis, looking at all these different systems so we can 

Brooke Hemingway: test instead of just guess, 

Rachel Scheer: and then develop a customized nutrition plan in protocol to address these root causes and balances in the body and restore function.

If you wanna book a free 30 minute call with anyone from my team. Click the link in the show notes or visit Rachel shear.com. 

Brooke Hemingway: It’s like guilted gratitude. Mm-hmm right. That’s what I would call it is guilted gratitude. When you are guilting yourself into forcing yourself to feel gratitude, instead of actually feeling what you’re feeling.

Mm. And I think a lot of us, especially as women, we guilt ourselves into gratitude and, you know, here’s what, what happens in that situation? I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this, cuz I’ve been married for 24. Okay, dang. Yeah, we have, we’ve been together for 25 years and married 24 years. I, he, he married a baby.

That’s what I tell everybody, but we grew up together. Right. And here’s what I think happens is when women lie to themselves and they guilt themselves into being, uh, grateful and they don’t really let themselves feel and create the way that they want to or go beyond. Motherhood and their marriage into other avenues, they end up sort of dying inside.

And I think it creates honestly, a lot of problems in relationships. I think that one of the beautiful things about entrepreneurship that I’ve noticed in our relationship is that. Because I have something else that I’m passionate about and that I love, I’m not looking at my discontent, like, and putting all that energy into my marriage or into my family, like make me happy.

Makes me happy. Yeah. I like, it’s not like he’s the only source or my kids are the only source of my happiness. I know I can go out and create and nobody is responsible for my happiness. And if something’s off, I’m not just blaming it on my marriage. I’m not just blaming it on my kids because I have a creative outlet.

And I’m really being true to myself. And I feel like there’s honestly so much like built up resentment and, and unfulfilled. If that’s even a word that a lot of women have, that they kind of go dead and they kind of go numb in their marriage. And what does that do to passion? What does that do to connection?

Yeah. Right. I, I love the song. Um, Andy grammar song, um, fresh eyes. I dunno if you know that song, but he’s talking about his woman and he’s like, damn, you look good. I feel like I’m seeing you for the first time. And I feel like through the process of me, like waking up and also my husband is now in entrepreneurship, um, that we see each other in a different way.

Mm-hmm and like the energy, the sparks, the passion, the mutual respect, and like the, the, the waking up, so to speak in our relationship from. Me being true to like, Hey, you know what? I love our family. I love our kids, but I also, I also feel called to do these things has taken away the resentment that was in the relationship that I shouldn’t have had anyhow, because it wasn’t his fault that I was staying home with the kids.

Right. It wasn’t his fault that I wasn’t pursuing other things. I had made that choice. 18 years. And when I woke up and I decided to make that choice, the resentment started to move its way out of our relationship and make way for a pure relationship where we were more awake, alive, and in love with each other than we’ve ever been.

And I honestly like how many people do you know that have been married for 24 years? That can say we’re more in love. We’re more attracted to each other. We are rooting for each other in a different way. Most people, 24 years into their marriage are freaking. like, 

Rachel Scheer: why do you think that is though? Because like, one of the things I’m hearing you say is like that part of like that growth on your own end, like individually and, um, like being able to like, see your person with new eyes, like, right.

Yeah. Like everyone’s like, I’m bored, I’m over this person. But like that excitement comes from like, oh, this is new. This is something like, I haven’t seen before. Like in that, that excitement, like you’re, you’re continuously like over the last 25 years that you’ve been with your husband, like. There was a period where maybe you felt like you weren’t really growing anymore.

Yeah. Um, and then we start to just like, make assumptions, like, this is just who they are. And we put our person in this box, like, this is who my person is, which, you know, this is where it’s like, we have to take that ownership. Like, okay, I wanna be happy. I need to grow. I need to have my own sense of autonomy.

And then our person’s like, Hey, who is this? who somebody new? Like, I haven’t seen this before. 

Brooke Hemingway: I know. And sometimes it’s good. But sometimes it’s also hard. Right? And I, I even wrote about this this morning. It’s like, you know, it’s good and where it is right now, but it took work to get to here. What’s been the hardest part.

I think the hardest part in relationship and growing and like going from being like a certain person in a box like you described is like, okay, now I’m getting out of the box and I’m going over here and I’m gonna do this thing. And they get used to just like you get in the rut of your normal routines and like, oh, this is just what I do.

I make dinner. I take care of the kids. I do the grocery shopping. I’m like this traditional stay at home mom and they get used to that. And then you’re changing the. And you’re like writing a new agreement and it’s not like you ever signed an agreement that was like, I will stay home and make dinner.

Like mm-hmm, the unwritten agreements though. It’s an unwritten agreement and an unwritten understanding that that’s what I did. And not because he’s a ch in his pig or was ever like, this is what you have to do. My husband isn’t like that at all. Right. Even though we lived very traditionally, he’s always been supportive of me, but we had fallen into like, Hey, this is our agreement.

This is what I do. This is what you do. You go work in the ER, 80 hours a week. I do the kid and the mom thing. And when I was shifting that, it’s like, I was introducing a new agreement and he’s like, wait a second. Like, I was changing the terms and he wasn. Trying to stop me, but there was some adjustment where it was like, wait a second, like, you need me to do this.

Like, you need me to come home and help you with this. And I was like, yeah, like if I’m gonna grow this business, I can’t do everything on my own anymore. And we’re gonna have to shift some things and it took some adjustment and it wasn’t always easy. We’ve had some periods over the last six years where, you know, there’ve been disagreements, there have been fights.

there was a blow up one time, four years ago that it was like, okay, we gotta have a real talk about this and, and find real solutions. And so it was worth it. I just feel like when you’re in that, that place of shifting into something new, especially if you’re in a, a committed relationship, patience is so important.

Patience, commitment, and communication. Like we had a lot of patience with each. We communicated a lot and we’re very committed. And because we, we communicated a lot, we had patience with the change. Now we’re in this place where we fully like, you know, my husband’s like, yeah, go do that thing. And I’m like, yeah, I go do that thing.

And, and we have each other’s back and we support each other, but like, listen, it’s not gonna be easy if you’re changing. The agreement, there’s gonna be a lot of discussion. There’s gonna be a lot of negotiation. There’s gonna be a lot of patients required and getting used to the new normal to now where it’s like totally seamless.

My husband probably does a better job of mothering our kids than I do, which is really kind of wild how things have played out. But, um, but yeah, I would say patience and also dropping. Demands and expectations. Mm. 

Rachel Scheer: Okay. I’ve heard this statement before have high expectations of self and low expectations of your person.

Brooke Hemingway: Yeah. Because our expectations are what led us down. Right. So we have this expectation that all of a sudden they’re gonna jump in. They’re just gonna take over and they’re gonna support us and why aren’t they doing that? And then, so then we start demanding it and it’s this like, Different kind of energy.

That’s really off putting, I think to a man, honestly, mm-hmm, demanding and expectations. They’re just like, whoa, that rebellious teenager side of them is like, I’m not doing that. Yeah. You know? And so instead it’s kind of like, what I did is I just sort of did my thing. I just did my thing. And I worked on growing myself without demanding and saying, without demanding, support me, do this, or read this book or listen to this podcast, or you need to do this, or you need to do that.

I was. I’m gonna do my thing. I’m gonna work on myself. I have a lot of garbage to work through. I have a lot of personal growth to do. I feel passionate about my business. I know I’m supposed to do this. I can’t make him know that for me. I know it for myself. So I’m not gonna be mad at him. I’m not gonna punish him.

I’m not gonna demand because we do these things as women mm-hmm we punish, right. We have this ability to punish and I was like, I’m not gonna punish him. I’m not gonna demand. I’m just gonna do my thing with quiet confidence. And ultimately he started coming around like, Hey, what are you doing? What are you reading?

What are you listening to? And he started on his own. Of personal development, which has helped him to grow. You allude him 

Rachel Scheer: is really what you did. Cause it was changing. Yeah. You didn’t demand him. I think like for like the woman, um, they can, we can really either go into like the overly demanding kind, kind of like NA masculine, like hyper masculine mm-hmm or like the super overly needy, like help me fix me.

Oh yes. You know, do this. Stuff. And I think what you said there of like that, that quiet confidence and like you really just kind of staying in your lane. Yep. You know, focusing on yourself. Um, yeah. Having like low expectations, not demanding anything is really what, um, I think women need to hear, because I know there’s so many women who are listening right now and probably thinking of like, I do wanna have like some kind of ambition.

I wanna do something for myself, but like, I don’t feel like my person is gonna support me, you know, because I’ve been in this role for so long. Yeah. This has been the, you know, the unwritten covert contract that we’ve had for, for so long. Right. And I can picture, because I can picture my younger self being like, Hey, this is what I’m doing.

And like, support me on this. You. And then the guys like puts up his wall immediately and we’re like, huh? Why didn’t this really work out the way that that I wanted to. So I think, you know, for the women hearing this and like getting excited of like, oh my gosh, I can have it all. I can like, start my business, be creative, you know, like have the body like work on my health and have the family, but like, How do I do this?

Like, how do I get started? 

Brooke Hemingway: Well, I think that going back to your point about how the guy puts up the wall, like, you have to understand that they’re doing that because they’re afraid of something. Hmm. Right. It it’s not, it doesn’t have anything to do with you. It has to do with. Them being triggered and the fears that they have around, like what’s gonna happen as my woman develops, as she grows, as she becomes more successful, as she loses the 50 pounds, like she gonna leave 

Rachel Scheer: me, is she gonna find someone better?

You know, all of these 

Brooke Hemingway: tears. Yeah. Or am I not gonna be relevant? Is she not gonna be as interested in me? And so I have like a great deal of compassion. And I remember a couple of times through this transition, realizing that like his anger or the way that he felt was really just his fears being trigger.

right. And so I think if you can have compassion as well, it helps instead of being angry, upset, demanding, like I get it. You wanna be pissed? Like I, there definitely have been some times when I’ve been pissed, I have that sassy energy mm-hmm but ultimately the majority of the time was like understanding compassion.

And the last thing I wanna say about that is like, you don’t need anybody’s approval anybody’s approval. You don’t need your partner’s approval. I think that’s really important. It’s like, we desperately want that. And so what we tend to do as women, because we’re people pleasers mostly, right? Like we wanna be loved.

We want people to love us and we’re people pleasers and we’re peacemaker is instead of continuing to move forward with that quiet confidence, we pull. We retreat. We don’t go after that dream. We hold ourselves back and we, you know, we say it’s for the good of our family or the good of our relationship, but guess what happens again?

The resentment it’s like that seed, that, that weed, that, that happens inside and you think, oh, I don’t really need this. But really what you’ve done is you’ve killed that intuition, that spirit, that drive that thing you knew you were supposed to do, and you didn’t have to do that because you didn’t need their approval.

If you know, you’re supposed to do something, if you feel inspired, if it’s like a God download or something that you feel it’s like, it doesn’t matter if even your partner doesn’t understand, you have to go after that. And if you don’t, you will always regret it. So how do you start. I mean, gosh, 

Rachel Scheer: you listen, right?

Like you listen to the voice, the voice that’s there because like, and that’s what I’m like hearing you saying, because I think if we, we like really get quiet enough and we really listen and we really tune into our gut. Yeah. Um, what our heart, our, our soul is really speaking to us. Like we know the answer.

But, and we know it like pretty rapidly too, if we really, really tune in and we remove all of the distractions, mm-hmm we remove all the shoulds. I should be doing this. This is what I’m supposed to be doing. Yeah. I’m doing this for the pursuit of X, Y, and Z, but we really, really yeah. Lean into ourselves and like, what are our heart?

Calling really is. And I even know for like myself, like I’ve had glimpses of like my calling throughout my entire life. Mm-hmm and it’s been like the areas where I just like got this child, like excitement in it. Yeah. Where I just was like, I could focus on it for hours. Like I could just be like, so zone 

Brooke Hemingway: of genius.

Rachel Scheer: Zoned in into like, whatever it was, where like other people may like get bored or distracted. Yeah. I just would get this like childlike excitement in it. Yeah. And it always, for me, like revolved around like things with like health or fitness mm-hmm or like the way, like, just like the human body operates or like the human brain operates.

And that’s what like brought me down all of these different paths of like, First athletic stands. Gymnastics. Yeah. So then getting into body building and then becoming a dietician and then mm-hmm, , you know, now gut health and healing, but like, I look at it all, I’m like, oh my gosh, it’s all been like, the things I’ve gotten excited about.

It’s all been kind of connected in a way. Yeah. But there’s been like these different routes. Yeah. But I think if I was really able to like tune in and pay attention and all of those things, I got this, like. childlike excitement. And I think, you know, we have that when we’re younger, right? Yeah. Like a little kid will so easily, like, uh, there’s something they’re excited about the week.

Ooh, Ooh. And then they’ll be sewing it and then they’ll be like, okay. Onto the next thing. They’re like excited about next with everything that we’re doing, of those that do that. And it’s beautiful. And as we get older, but then all of the other stuff like just starts to mask it. Right? Yeah. Like all of the shoulds, all.

Like, and we’re 

Brooke Hemingway: just like trauma this way only 

Rachel Scheer: mm-hmm so I think part of it is like really slowing down, like tuning in. Yeah. Like really like, even like looking back, like what were things like I used to get so excited about, like, and get that like childlike excitement in with a kid, because I think those are.

You know, guiding points. Yeah. Pointing us in a certain direction. And they’re all connected to each other. I’m actually reading a book right now called mastery by Robert Green. I’m not sure you’ve part of it before I haven’t, but it’s about really finding your, your life’s task. And it’s not about like, this is it, but it’s really about that.

Like leaning into like those golden threads. Yes. And like following this until you get like that kid, right. You’re like is like, Ooh, I wanna. Way. 

Brooke Hemingway: Right. And then I wanna go this way, the flow mm-hmm, like being willing to adjust. And I think that my life has been kind of a circuitous route. Right. It’s like, I actually started out as a voice major.

I wanted to sing on Broadway. Oh, wow. That’s what I wanted to do. I had this gorgeous Soreto voice years ago and I studied music a couple years in college. And then I decided that’s not practical. That wouldn’t be a practical thing for a mom to do. And I was already thinking ahead, the shoulding. Yeah, the shoulding, when it was like 20, I was like, well, I mean, that wouldn’t really be practical.

So I got my degree in, you know, kinesiology and I went the fitness route, which I loved cuz I loved inspiring people. To live healthy. Um, it’s been such a blessing in my life as far as like mental health, physical health. Uh, and so I did that, but then again, I thought, well, that’s not practical. I should do something more practical.

It’s like that practical side of my brain. That’s not the child’s side. That’s like go into this box. Do what’s responsible for a woman for somebody that’s gonna have a family, even though I didn’t have a family at the time. So I went back to nursing school, worked in sickness, hated. honestly, like I only liked it the first year.

And then after that, it was just sucking the life out of me. And I have a lot of respect for medicine, but it just, it wasn’t my zone of genius. Like you were talking about it. Wasn’t my joy. And then coming back around to health and health and fitness and health and wellness. But I think to your point, it’s like seeking clarity.

Seeking clarity at every step and seeking clarity requires that you stop buffering. You stop filling your life with noise all of the time, and you make white space and you go ahead and allow your mind to wander and your thoughts to wander to what if I could do this and what do I love to do? I meet so many women.

I can’t even tell you almost makes me wanna cry. Like so many women in their forties, specifically that when I ask them what their dreams are, They literally can’t think of anything because they haven’t allowed themselves to dream or think about what they would want. And that to me is a classic, uh, mark of a life on autopilot.

And so how do we start dreaming? I think to your point, we go back to, well, what did I love when I was a child? What did I love when I was a teenager? What did I love when I was 20? What elements of that? Can I bring into my life now? Right. It’s never too late. You’re never too old. You’ve never passed that expiration date and it is going back and exploring what did I love?

What were the things that lit me up? And maybe now it’s different. Trying new things. Okay. What lights me up? Do I wanna do this? Do I wanna do that? And like you said, a child will skip from thing to thing to thing, but for some reason, once we’re an adult, we feel like, well, I just need to stay in my lane. I need to do this for 40 years and Evers like silently dying.

And it’s like, who story? 

Rachel Scheer: The story was that typically wasn’t ours. It was like, What we’ve like gathered is like what we said we should do. It’s responsible expectations, our parents, society, all of that kind of stuff. Yeah. But that, that like, wasn’t ours. We like, we weren’t born with that. No, but like over time we just created this like story of like what we were supposed to do.

And then we find ourself like in that. Dead box dead. Like what you said dead. Yeah. So I think what you’re doing for like women is like so powerful and I’ll even like add to it. Um, based off of what you said about like fitness. I know for myself. Yeah. Like I’ve gotten most, um, downloads, you know? Oh my gosh.

30, like moving my body, like I this morning, um, I like did a, a full leg workout in my garage. I. Sauna. I read my book. I always, for my morning routine, I do something for like my mind and some kind of movement, even if it’s like 10 minutes, 10 minutes, just like something, um, to like create some of that space instead of immediately getting on my phone, getting those dopamine hits, cuz I’ve done that before.

And when I do it, I immediately like I’m distracted ruins your mood too. My moods ruin and I’m just like distracted for the day. But so much of like my clarity. Is when I’ve like been doing something good for my body. Like, I’ve been me too working out. I’ve been in movement. And I like have literally been like at the gym one time or like many times not one time and like, got like an entire like podcast thing I wanted to talk about.

Yeah. Or, you know, some kind of like post or content or something I wanted to add to my book that I’m gonna write one day. Yeah. And 

Brooke Hemingway: I’ll just like, I hope you’re writing now. 

Rachel Scheer: I am, I’m writing it every single day. Okay. All over the place. but, um, I’ll like get all of this in my workouts and then I’ll like put it in my notes yeah.

On my phone. And it always happens during that time. I know from like my like brain of like how things operates, like we’re getting more blood flow to different parts of our body. Totally. But I think, you know, it’s like doing those two things together. It’s like really. Getting clear, like slowing down mm-hmm paying attention, you know, looking back at the things that like, we used to get that child, like excitement, like following it, detouring as needed.

Yeah. But then also like take care of, take care of yourself. Yeah. Like move your body. Oh my gosh. You know, choose foods that love you back. And I know one thing you and I connect connected a lot about outside of like fitness and mm-hmm entrepreneurship really was gut health even too. Yeah. Because, um, you’ve shared with me, like for your healing journey as well.

Mm-hmm . Working on your gut health was a huge, huge part of that. Right? A 

Brooke Hemingway: huge part. I mean, I feel like similar to you when I’m in a state of health and when I’m moving, that’s when I get downloads and somebody asked me just last week, Uh, what’s your top tip for success. And literally the first thing that blurted outta my mouth was I move my body every day.

Hmm. And I take care of my body like this, this physical vessel is what carries you through life, right? And if you’re not taking care of the vessel, which starts from the very inside your gut health and your hormones and, and your, your musculature and what you do with your body. If you’re not taking care of your body, you’re not gonna have the energy.

You’re not gonna have the stamina. You’re not gonna have the down. And similar to you. Like, I believe it starts on the inside. And, uh, you know, it’s kind of funny cuz like in our house we used to be so Western medicine mm-hmm and my, yeah, your husband, my husband as well. Yeah. Like I remember when I started learning about gut health and I was like, oh, we’re gonna change the way we eat and, and we’re gonna take probiotics and we’re gonna do all this stuff.

He, he like literally. Laughed about it. Like he was not, you know, they learned maybe two hours of nutrition yeah. In med school. And it’s, it’s not their fault. They just don’t have the education. Yeah. And they don’t learn about, uh, the microbiome and all of those things. But as I learned about it, I could totally see the connection between what was going on with my bloating and my digestion and like the different things that were going on in my tummy and the way that I felt all that anxiety and depression.

And so the interesting thing is when I went to college, you know, about 20 years ago, got my degree in kinesiology. They taught us that a hundred calories of Oreos was like the same as a hundred calories of broccoli. Mm-hmm , which seems like insanity now, but it was really that teaching of calories in equals calories out.

And so I had. Belief in my mind that I. Eat, whatever mm-hmm . And it didn’t matter because it was just about calories. And so I didn’t have great eating habits. I was like a lot of people, I had a candy cabinet. I had the Swedish fish, I had the mini TWIs. I had all the sweets and I don’t know about you, but I know a lot of people that are in fitness that have terrible eating habits, like mm-hmm 

Rachel Scheer: 100%.

Like, that’s what like led to my downfall of like all of my gut issues along with like a couple of other things, like physical stress, emotional stuff. With it all, but, um, I’ve actually was literally just talking about, and one of the big reasons why I created yeah, my gut health repair program is because right now there is like this massive gap, in my opinion, mm-hmm between the fitness world, which is like eat less, work up more, 

Brooke Hemingway: actually healthy, 

Rachel Scheer: you know, and just pay attention to that.

And then people are ending up with all of these gut issues. Yep. These hormone issues or on the other end. Spectrum, you know, and I’m a functional medicine nutritionist, but in the functional medicine world. Yeah. They’re like, you know, just eat, you know, whole real food, which is great. Right. Um, awesome. But they don’t pay attention to like how much protein you need focusing on resistance training.

And then these people really aren’t getting the results. They’re not losing the weight. Right. They’re not building the muscle, then they’re frustrated. Yeah. Um, so like, there’s this big gap right now, I think. And. Western medicine, right. Western medicine, 

Brooke Hemingway: um, is, is great. And I never, I mean, they’ll tell a cancer patient, you can go eat at McDonald’s no problem.

And it’s like, yeah, what are you even talking about? Like, that’s the most toxic food you could 

Rachel Scheer: eat. Yeah. And I think it’s like for people to know who to go to for what essentially, but really at the end of the day, like we have to be our own advocate. Amen. Um, one of the things that like, I pride myself on like with my practice.

Is bridging that gap of like, Hey, you wanna lose weight? You wanna get a six pack? Awesome. Let’s help you do it, but we’re also not gonna go neglect your health. We’re gonna work on your gut health, your hormones. We’re gonna work on your relationship with food with your body, really leaning into like how the food actually makes you feel.

I’ve had women who came in like obsessively tracking macros, and actually had them stop because they weren’t like paying attention to. If they were full, if they weren’t full and they would get to the end of the day and then like their gut could be like hurting so bad, but they’re like, oh my gosh, I have to get in this macro left for the day.

And it just was like, so unhealthy or vice versa. Like people are just like, I can eat as many almonds as I want, as long as it’s a healthy food and they eat like. 2000, too many calories worth of almonds. And they’re like, why aren’t I losing any weight what’s happening here? um, so I think like, we, we need both and like, this is more like this gap is really happening right now between the fitness world.

Yeah. Between the wellness world. Yeah. And then we have a food industry that pays no attention to health and we have a health industry that pays. No attention to food. So it’s up to, yeah, I think conversations even like these. Yeah. Um, like finding a coach. Yeah. Someone like you, someone like, like me even too.

Yeah. And like my team to like help work through all of these different areas too. Um, and I like talking a little bit about cost as well. Like if you were to go work with just a, a trainer. Or a nutritionist. Yep. You know, it would cost so much. If you were to go work with like a life coach, it would cost X amount of it’s expensive.

And like, to really have a lot of that combined in one, which is a lot of like what you’re doing with your coaching, right? 

Brooke Hemingway: Like you, a lot of mindset, everything around health starts in with your thoughts and your mindset. Right. Whether you wanna make money or you wanna improve your health, it starts between your ears, the thoughts that you have about yourself, the relationship you have with food, um, the way that you feel about yourself and relate to yourself, you know, whether it’s that you think you’re broken, you think you’re ugly.

You think you’ll, you’ll never be enough, whatever that is. That’s driving your habits with food. Mm-hmm , that’s driving your habits behind your fitness. And so you can’t just give somebody a diet. No, you can’t just give somebody an exercise plan. I think we’ve been trying that for like 50 years. Yeah. And it’s clearly not working what you do and what I look at, whether it’s business coaching, or helping someone with their health is a whole body approach.

And the problem is, like you said, is people are going to the wrong people. And seeking advice from people that are quite frankly unqualified and the majority of physicians. And I have no problem saying this. I am married to when the majority of physicians are unqualified. And if my husband were here in the studio, he would tell you the same thing because he walked the road of being unqualified and now is very highly qualified and there’s no one size fits all approach to everybody.

See you, you might find somebody that’s obsessively. Like no, the only thing to do is count macros or no, the only thing to do is be vegan or no, you need to go carnivore. Like everybody’s got their niche of like black and white. This is what you do. And we’ve talked about this a lot in our house from, you know, our philosophy and what we believe is like, There’s no one right way for everyone to eat because everybody has different sensitivities.

We all have a different gut microbiome. We are not carbon copies and we’re not robots. And so I love that you help people pay attention to how do you feel when you eat that food? what does that food do to your body? Because it’s not the same for everybody. Mm-hmm broccoli might grossly like bloat. Some people mm-hmm , but be great for other people, you know, chicken might settle well or steak might settle well for some people, but not settle well for other people, you know?

And so it is not a one size fits all and that mindfulness in paying attention to your body and what works for your body. I’m now so much more in tune with my body since I started working in this way, like I know if I eat something. Even though I’ve done a lot of work on my gut. Like there are certain things that just don’t agree.

Yep. That I know if I eat it in 30 minutes, I’m gonna be in the bathroom or I’m gonna go home that night and I’m gonna be bloated. And so that’s just being in tune with your body and realizing like, Hey, I’m not like so. And so I can’t eat how they can eat and I’m not at garbage disposal. And I love that you say in fitness, there is this discrepancy because also a lot of people go to their trainer.

and they expect their trainer to know how to teach them how to eat. And I know when I got certified as a personal trainer and when I got my degree in kinesiology, guess how much nutrition experience I had? I’m sure. Very minimal. Yeah, very little. Like I was not qualified. I wasn’t a functional nutrition coach.

I didn’t have any of those things. And so. , it would basically be like calories and looking at your protein and fat, but not really having the education. So I think what you do is incredible because you look at the whole person mm-hmm and you don’t have one way. Yeah. Like you’re not like everybody must do it.

The Rachel sheer way. And like everybody must eat chicken three meals a day or whatever it is, because we are so unique. Our microbiome is so unique. and I can, 100% say that, like if I hadn’t focused on hormones and gut health, if I hadn’t focused on taking care of myself from the inside out, there is no way I would’ve ever created the businesses.

Mm-hmm , there’s no way I would’ve had a sixth child because after my fourth, I had such horrendous postpartum. It’s a miracle. I even had a fifth, but I had such a good postpartum after my fifth. I felt amazing. At almost 40 that when I felt inspired, like, you know what, I think there’s another little human and I, you know, I just, I felt so good and I’d had five kids.

Like most people don’t have five kids and be like, I feel amazing. You know, I was working out every day. I felt amazing. And I felt like even at almost 40, like. Yeah, I can feel it. There’s another baby. I went ahead and did it. It’s because I took care of myself from the inside out. This idea that we just get older and more tired and less energized and fatter.

It’s a lie. Mm-hmm it’s like the, oh, you, you can’t have it all. It’s like, no, like I’m healthier. Fitter, happier. At almost 44 than I’ve ever been. Yeah. That’s like what 

Rachel Scheer: I’ve talked about before, about like, what is common versus normal? And it’s common for most of the population to be overweight and obese.

It’s common for a lot of people to be depressed, have anxiety. It’s common for a lot of people to have irritable bowel syndrome, you know, for every. Three people. Um, two of those are women who have irritable bowel syndrome, but just because something is common, it doesn’t mean that it it’s it’s normal. It doesn’t mean like you have to age and get fat.

Yeah. And how all have all of these issues. You can’t build the business. And I also, I love what you said, um, about how the gut is actually also connected to your ability to have a healthy pregnancy, have a healthy yes. You know, have a healthy baby also connected to the business because I I’ve talked so much about yes.

The, the gut brain 

Brooke Hemingway: connection, the gut skin connection. Oh my gosh. Yes. And now I can 

Rachel Scheer: actually talk about the, the gut business connection yes. And the gut, um, the gut, like pregnancy connection and all of those different things. And I think it’s really powerful to even hear like, yeah, because I worked on my gut health because I did all of the self care.

Like I was thriving after like, Sixth baby. Yes. And I was like your fifth baby. Then you were like, I think I got another one in there. Like how cool at almost 40 at almost 40? 

Brooke Hemingway: Yeah. Yeah. It’s really amazing. And a lot of people look at me and they’re like, I don’t know how you have so much energy. Right?

Like, how do you do this? Like I literally was on a red eye fight last night. Yeah. Like I’m here in the studio. You came in, in the middle of the night. Yeah. Came in in the middle of the night. Cause I was doing my mom thing. Right. I like maxed out every single day. I’m like, okay, I’m gonna spend the whole day with my family.

I’m gonna ride bikes with my kids and I’m gonna get on a plane. I’m gonna come here. Took an hour. Nap, came to the studio. I actually feel great. I wouldn’t do that to my body all the time. That would not be smart. . But when you have a healthy gut and a, and a healthy, balanced body, your body can take some stress like that.

Mm-hmm like my body can take more hits than the average person I get over sicknesses so much better. I’m much more resilient emotionally because my gut produces more serotonin. I’m more stable. I’m more happy because I’m more stable and happier and more E. And energy attracts, right? Mm-hmm energy attracts success.

It attracts people it’s magnetic. And to think that you can just push yourself and you can just do anything to your body and feed your body anything, and you can still be successful. Will you might be able to achieve success, but will you be able to maintain success?