Today, in the Scheer Madness Podcast, Roxanne Saffaie joins Rachel to talk about setting your authentic self free. She explains why we continue to struggle in being our true selves and how self awareness helps us break free from this struggle. We also talk about the importance of self love, the role it plays when we face rejection, pain, and challenges, and how this can lead to having a better relationship with ourselves.
Roxy is a writer, speaker and coach in the arena of Self-Mastery and Empowerment. She’s a life athlete and relentless GOAL digger, and all around badass of a human that is inspiring women to WIN by reaching their highest ideals in life by taking a holistic mind and body approach.
For more information about working with our team at Rachel Scheer Nutrition, book a free 30-minute call at www.rachelscheer.com/application
- 00:00 Intro
- 06:04 It all starts with the relationship you have with yourself
- 12:48 Fighting for your self-worth
- 29:03 People feel when you speak from the heart
- 34:23 Always choose yourself
- 41:58 Did you have to cultivate self-love?
- 49:38 Why people reject themselves
- 56:35 Have your body work in your favor
- 01:03:05 A real conversation with yourself
- 01:09:33 How journaling can help you
- 01:16:11 What are you excited about right now?
Connect with Roxanne:
Connect with Rachel:
Roxanne Saffaie: How do you cultivate real self-trust? I would say there’s no handouts to self-trust. You have to be willing to say to life, to the world, I’m going to show up as who I am. I’m going to go for it from whatever my heart is guiding me towards. Even if it doesn’t make logical sense at times, and in fact, most times it won’t cause the brain wants to protect us.
We need proof. We need proof, But it’s really the way
Rachel Scheer: insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. But if you are ready to level up your life and get results that truly matter in your health, business, mindset, and relationships, then this is the podcast for you.
Welcome to Share Madness, where we have unscripted real conversations with the world’s top athletes, entrepreneurs, and coaches. Discover real world and tactical advice from the best in the business. Let’s go. I’m so honored to have you come on my show here today, and as I was listening to all of the different podcasts and diving into your content, I actually realized, Roxy, that I had listened to some of your content like many years ago when I was just like this baby entrepreneur, really trying to figure out myself.
And it was actually the episode you did with Lisa Blau. I think it was like the very first one. Yeah. And you say this whole thing about, you know, putting yourself out there and not being afraid to turn up the volume. And when you do that, you actually allow a lot of other women to do the same. And when I heard that, it brought me back to a couple years ago cuz I was like, Holy shit, I’ve actually heard Roxy speak before and she actually impacted my life, like far before I even knew who she was or before we even had met before.
So that was just a, an incredible experience for me to really dive back into it. But everything to come full circle and have you come on my show here
Roxanne Saffaie: today, that is so amazing and so wonderful. And thank you. I love, I’m just so stoked to just be in space with you. You know, it was so rad to have you on my show recently.
And just for the record here on your show, I mean, when we met we, it was just an instant Yes. You know? Mm-hmm. , we just, you know, We couldn’t stop talking to each other. We were like, you know, we’re introverts. But um, cause we just clicked energetically and you know, there’s a lot of, um, alignment and so I think that’s so cool that you took me in, you know, on, on My Girl Lisa’s show before we even met and it just even and, and that it offered you something, that talk offered you something.
Um, yeah, it’s just thoughtful circle is so ra so I’m excited girl to just always be in space with you. I feel
Rachel Scheer: like there is like those certain people you meet in your life and as you start to have conversations with them, you know, it’s like, This really, really deep connection, and I didn’t even obviously know you a couple years ago, but you spoke to me on like such a deep soul level with where I was at in my own healing journey, my own personal development journey.
And I know you’re gonna really speak to so many of the women because I did for myself. And I know when we were over at, um, our, our girlfriend, uh, Dr. Gabriel Lyon’s house, you know, that’s where we’re both kind of introverted, kind of keeping to herself and we just got like super deep, like really, really fast.
Exactly. About everything, you know, that is really about, um, that, that holistic approach, which is I know something you’re super passionate about. And one thing that I’ve heard you speak about, Is worthiness in a lot of ways, and I know my journey has been, I call it kind of like this unbecoming because in my twenties I cared so much about what everybody thought of me, and I didn’t even realize it at the time, but I, I put so much pressure on myself and.
I was freaking mean to myself and, and not saying I’m perfect and I don’t still struggle with it today. Sure. But I love what you really speak about when it comes from worthiness and being your authentic self. And this is something that actually I talk about quite a bit, bit. I actually had a mastermind, um, event that I spoke at a couple of weeks ago over in Houston.
And I really talk about, you know, the place that we’re coming from with our health and really getting to the root cause. Like what we do is functional medicine. And I think a big part of it is, is really that it’s that self worth piece. And that’s where people end up with, you know, being diabetic. They end up with metabolic issues being overweight or reaching burnout.
And a lot of my story, as you know, was from that extreme side of fitness and coming from this place of unworthiness and trying to shame myself to health and fitness. And the fruits were exhaustion and burnout. But we also see people on the other side, right, who also don’t believe they’re, they’re really worthy.
So they, they eat the shitty food. They kind of give them self some kind of excuse of like, Hey, I’m just doing what feels good and this is self love and it’s not self love, cuz they really don’t believe, you know, at the core, they’re worthy of being someone who’s fit and healthy at the end. So I’d love for you to speak a little bit about that because yeah, I know that’s something that I’ve really had to evolve through myself on my own journey, um, through my own health issues.
And I, I really, truly believe it’s. The root cause
Roxanne Saffaie: of why not all, but a lot of health issues. Yeah. No, I love all of that. Thank you. And I know, you know, just from, from, you know, having you on my show and taking deep dives into your work and your story, you know, it’s, it’s very clear. It’s one of the things I love so much about you too, is that you are about this holistic approach.
You are about, you know, it’s not just the food, it’s not just the weight lifting or you know, the supplements. It’s really about the relationship that you have with yourself. Because it all starts there. It all starts there, meaning everything. So it could be something negative, it could be something positive, it could be both.
But it’s all, in my opinion, in my experience about in my fourth decade of life at this point, I’ve really, and a very deep introspective. Human soul. I’ve been writing my whole life. So I’ve been in conversation very consciously with myself my whole life through writing primarily. Right? And just realizing like, hey, and, and I’ve gone through, I’ve had three knee surgeries.
Um, there was a lot of weight gains back when I was a teenager, and I had to figure out how I didn’t have the tools then, you know, to know, oh, you know, all the diet things and all that, I had to figure out. It was a long, hard, painful journey to figure out, like, how do I get back to homeostasis? How do I, you know, how do I get into this optimal body composition?
I knew I’m a mesomorph if I’m an athlete. So there was a lot to work out there. So using my own experience of how I actually worked through that, the process. And then also just, you know, paying attention to life itself. Observation of human, I love, um, you know, Human performance has just always been a love for mine.
Mm-hmm. , it’s like, look, when you’re really gonna make a difference that is going to be sustainable, that’s gonna, you know, be outstanding. It’s always gonna root back to, because you feel worthy. You feel worthy of, you know, something I talk about all the time is you cannot just feel worthy of the victory.
You have to feel worthy of the battle. There will be a battle, whether it’s a psychological battle, whether it’s a physical, whether it’s a financial, whether it’s all the above. Like whatever it is, there will be, and that’s my terminology, right? Challenge, battle, interchangeable, there will be a battle. Do you feel worthy to push yourself in the arena to go into that process?
To get that sweat equity, to, to move yourself towards what it is that matters to you, What it is that you wanna achieve, what it is that you wanna accomplish. And in my journey, you know, just in that specific, cuz there’s many, you know, battles that I’ve, you know, gone toe to toe with, you know, and still currently.
Um, but that was it, Rachel. It was like, I felt. That I loved myself so much that I wouldn’t, I, I couldn’t submit, you know, to, to the challenge. I had to really, and I took punches all the time. Like, Oh, it worked, it didn’t work, or, That was hard, whatever it was. But every time I got back up, I got back up because I loved myself too much to fucking stay down.
I love myself. And in self love and self love, you have a lot of different attributes, self-worth worthiness, lives in self love. So that’s why I talk about self love, you know, all the time. It’s a core topic of mine. But in, you know, self love for me is, is not just some sweet love. And I know you and I are so in agreement on this, but it really isn’t.
I’m not, it’s not just a sweet fluffy, it’s not just self care. Mm-hmm. , those are, you know, like kind of, I call it like accessories to self love. Self love is having the hard conversations with yourself. Self love is getting back. Self love is doing the hard shit. It’s not making the excuses, it’s not settling when you know, when your heart.
That this is not what you’re here to experience. You are here to experience more. And I can go on and on. I’ll, I’ll, I’ll pause there. But yeah, it’s, it is, it’s such an important focus for us to share really. Like, and I love that you share this so much through your channels too, because we can sit here all day long and prescribe like, Oh, you know, do this, do that, like, you know, whatever it is to, to optimize your health and wellbeing.
But if you’re not looking at these, at the inner world, I always say the inner shapes the outer, then you are missing. The biggest piece, right? Yeah.
Rachel Scheer: So definitely, and I think like self love to and of itself is, it’s such a cliche thing, the online at least because everyone’s like self love, like eat the food that you wanna eat, whatever that is, you know, do the bubble baths, like you said, the self care.
Right. And you know, I, I heard the term, you know, for a lot of my life, but it wasn’t until I really got like what you said, like in the arena down in Dody and went through some hard shit where I really started to learn like. This is actually what self love is. You know, it’s, it’s fighting for that best version of myself, of what I know, that I’m capable, of, what I know that my potential truly is.
And I feel like there’s that battle every single day because we have this like, lower version of ourself, right? And then we have this like our highest self. And every single day we get to make that choice. And oftentimes it’s really, like you said, overcoming that, that hard stuff. And it’s, it’s inner, it’s the dialogue that we have with ourself.
Like when I get in the ice bath every single day, you know, at the beginning actually I had the worst dialogue and it was like, just get out. Just get out. And I would listen to that, but like I’ve really actually gotten myself to kind of overcome. And now the conversations I have with myself is, Come on, you got this, you can do this.
And my dialogue has changed so much. And guess what is a byproduct of that? Like how I actually show up in things throughout the day that, that are difficult is completely different, is well too. And I know that’s something that you speak to quite a bit there. Yeah. Um, but with worthiness, you know, what do you feel like that really truly comes from?
Because I, I know a lot of us, like through our childhood and our experiences, and I’ve heard a lot about like your upbringing and I have a very similar upbringing, like where you even stay on a podcast I listened to like, like fr. The odds were against me. Like I should not be where I’m at today. Yeah, yeah.
But I look at you and I see this like incredibly beautiful soul who’s like inspiring so many people who truly loves herself. And you’ve had to really create that in yourself. And a lot of people struggle with that, right? Yeah. So if you had to break it down, and I know it’s probably not super black and white, but what would you say are some of the things that have really helped you create that self worth to, to
Roxanne Saffaie: fight for that every day?
Yeah. No, it’s a great question. You know, I would say number one is I, I have, and I continue to, and I’m being very specific. I’m very specific about words to invest in time with myself. Okay, So this is really important here because. For the most part, we’re guided to go out to get support. And I am not putting that down or to, to, for look really like, to gain anything.
It’s like, you know, success, it’s all out there, you know, any kind of healing, it’s all out there. Sure. Aspects of it are, but if you’re never taking the time to just sit with yourself, ask yourself questions, what are you feeling? Cultivate self-awareness, turn, you can’t hear your heart if you’re not really, you know, being in space with yourself to, to hear that to your, and I call the heart.
So for me, the heart and the authentic self are one thing. And this is also where the voice of your intuition lives. Mm-hmm. heart, authentic self voice of intuition. Right. Really important to really bond with, like, create a connection with, because the thing is, is. We, we come out and all of us get programmed in different ways for, from different, you know, for different reasons.
Parents, upbringing, this, that, like whatever, society, culture, right? And so the authentic self, now there’s like conflict because it’s like, how do you discern between what’s really you, mm-hmm. and what’s, you know, the program, what’s the paradigm, right? Well, the only way you’re going to be able to discern this information and to get clear, and this is where worthiness will start to come in.
And I’ll explain it cause I actually have a fives. I have a, i, I have a framework around this, but, um, it, you have to be willing to spend that time with yourself. It’s like any relationship that you want to forge, um, you know, like with you straight up like, And I’ve been saying it to so many of my, my closest friends, I’m like, This is a woman.
I meet all kinds of people and I’m amazing people. Then there are those who I’m like, No, but I’m gonna invest in you. I’m gonna invest in us, because I genuinely feel called to do that. What does that mean? It means I wanna build trust with you. I wanna have a rapport that’s really healthy and great memories, and like for us to really get to know each other so we can really come together as friends.
Right. That takes time and energy. There’s no, We need to do that with ourself too. Yeah, but we don’t, We’re ne we’ve never been directed to, to do that again. Everything has always been, go out there, seek, you know, this relationship, do this, get this degree, like go here and, you know, get healed over here. But it’s like, So most people overlook themselves and everything that you really need is really within you.
Again, I’m not discrediting the external because community, there’s so much that exists out here for a reason for us to engage, you know, with and, and to gain from. But I think that there’s a dis, there’s disharmony, there’s a dis, there’s no balance there because you know, in my world it, it is both, right?
It’s like I do, There’s a lot out there, but there’s even more so over here. Mm-hmm. . So to give you my framework, cuz it could be really supportive, it’s says five s. Because I got before, like at the very beginning of, of, you know, my digital career speaking and coaching and mentoring, you know, people would ask me all the time, especially around health, fitness, like the diets, like how do you stay so consistent?
How do you do this? Mm-hmm. . And I’m like, Cuz I fucking love myself too much. Not to. Hmm. And it’s almost annoying to them, right? Cause it’s like, what does that even mean? And it’s like, oh, but it’s so much deeper. But okay, I’m just giving you the short to the point, truest answer. But then as I started to teach more and I’m like, what could I do to offer like some kind of framework or teaching here that would really tease that out and make it more kind of, oh, okay, it’s still deep.
But I had to go inside and go, but rocks. How did you get to that place? Okay, you love yourself, but what was it? So it’s five asses. This framework is sequential. So it’s, it’s in this order. So self-awareness is the anchor. Self-awareness is the greatest agent to change. You don’t make any progress without being aware of self, not judging, self being an observation of self being, you know, connected well that comes next, but really looking at your thoughts, looking at your emotions, right?
Creating space between them so that you can actually decide like, is this true? Do, do I wanna own this? Do I wanna, you know, live from this? Or, Oh, that’s an interesting thought. Self-awareness is the most powerful emotional intelligence attribute in my opinion. Once you start really tapping into more levels of self awareness, then you can start to.
What is an excess self connection? What does that mean? It means that you’re truly, now you’re hearing your heart, you’re connecting with your authentic self, your self identity. What are your core beliefs? What are your core values? What do you stand for? Do you have any boundaries? What are your core desires?
Mm-hmm. , not moms, not partners, not what I think society would like or what? Like what do you want? Right? The authentic self in my world is this . To put it simply, there’s no shoulds that live in the heart. It’s either a yes or a no. So your authentic self is what you really wanna say yes to and what you really wanna say no to, which is not easy.
And we could talk about that more, but just to keep it moving in the asses. So you start to connect with all these aspects of your actual self, your self-identity. Once you start connecting with self, now we move into self love, right? Because now you actually understand. More of yourself, and you’ve also connected more like with your actual self, your being inside, your being.
Right. And this is a really interesting, I, I actually think I, I call self love the queen a battle because self love is fucking gangster to me. She the queen, you know, she’s the one that’s like, Hey, I know you don’t feel like doing that ice bath. Mm-hmm. , but you know, it’s the best thing for you. Or, I know you’re afraid to get up and speak on that stage, but you know, you need to do this.
Or women waiting to listen to you. You know, this is a part of your journey and your gift, right? So we’re gonna do it. We’re gonna go, we’re going to, we’re gonna move towards the fight. Now, let’s just say, to give you another example, you, something happens. You take a punch in that moment you fail or you, you.
Self love gets you back up to help you keep going, right? You had a hard, you’re on a program training, um, diet, and like, ugh, you, you blew it one day. Self love is getting you into the gym and food prepping and doing all the things. Self love is also like, Hey, this is just a day. It’s not your whole, like the whole program.
We gotta keep it moving, right? This, so then the next s is self-confidence, because in my opinion, you do not, you do not forge true self-confidence unless you’re actually doing the shit that puts you in the position to create it within your self, right? Cause there’s a lot of pseudo confidence because it’s external validation.
Like, Oh, you think I’m cool, so I am cool, so let me be cool. Mm-hmm . But do you really feel that about yourself? Have you done anything that shows you like, I’m actually fucking a badass? You know what I mean? So doing things that. Help you develop self confidence and attribute, but also could be looked at as a skill, I think in some ways.
Um, so self love is a pre precursor to self-confidence. And then the final S is self trust. Mm-hmm. . Because when you start doing the shit that’s hard, that’s, you know, helping you grow, where you’re betting on yourself, you’re taking chances, you’re doing all of that, you’ve got no proof. But I’m the proof kind of, you know, mentality and, you know, approach to life.
Well, yeah, you’re earning your self trust. I know I expanded very, you know, widely on the, on the concept, but it really is self-awareness, self connection, self love, where self-worth lives, self-respect lives. Mm-hmm. , self compassion, lives, self confidence, self trust. And it’s so important, and I say this so often, but it’s a life gain.
There’s no period at the end of the sentence here, you know, every time, Oh, you got, you’ve cultivated a lot of self confidence. Excellent. Guess what? You’re gonna meet another challenge that’s gonna fuck with you. And gonna make you like, have to choose, you know, do I stay down? Do I play small or do I keep going for it?
You know, so it’s so important to understand that there are levels to this game. Mm-hmm. . And the goal is to just constantly be doing the investment work in each of these territories and understand that. It’s you. You’re investing in, in you and your ultimate potential, and you getting the opportunity to experience the life that you truly want to live from your most authentic self.
Rachel Scheer: 95% of your body’s serotonin is produced by the back. Bacteria that resides in your gut. And this explains why when my gut was wreck or when clients come to work with me at Rachel Sheer Nutrition, they don’t just suffer from things like bloating, constipation, diarrhea, but they also have symptoms of anxiety, depression, and brain fog.
Because our gut and our brain are highly interconnected. And as hypocrites says, all disease begins and ends in the gut. And this is the exact reason why I am so passionate about taking a functional root cause based approach for any chronic health condition, gut issues, mental health, illness, autoimmune conditions.
Stubborn weight loss, you name it. Me and my team do a comprehensive analysis looking at all these different systems so we can test instead of just guess and then develop a customized nutrition plan in protocol to address these root causes and balances in the body and restore function. If you wanna book a free 30 minute call with anyone from my team, click the link in the show notes or visit rachel shear.com.
That, That’s so cool to hear you break it down into those five different pieces there. And also like putting myself back in like the shoes of like, okay, I, I recall doing this and this and this because it is this entire evolution of like what you’re really speaking to, you know, And I went through most of my, you know, teen years and early twenties just.
No self awareness. I would have a thought, and I believe that thought to be true, and I would react to that thought and I was super impulsive with everything and then da, da, da, bad product. That’s where all my health issues really came from. And the big wake up for me was when I was like being told I needed to have my large intestine removed.
And then it was just this whole. Domino effect of healing. And at first thinking, just like you said, that you know, it was gonna be someone else to do the healing. And I’m just like you, I believe in coaching. I believe in getting an outside set of eyes on the things that you’re really, really needing help with.
I know you work with coaches, I work with coaches and it’s not about that, but I really, you know, think at the core, like it had to be me. It had to be me who was like, I’m gonna do the work. You know, I’m gonna figure out like, yes, what’s going on, what’s wrong with me? But really do that deep, deep, deep inner work where a lot of it, yes, there was some things I had to modify with my diet and you know, supplement protocols that were specific to like the bacteria that was off in my gut.
Yeah. But at the end of the day, I really had to. Clear on, you know, where I was coming from. And I think it’s really cool that you talk about that awareness, like kind of hovering above yourself and really observing yourself and everything that you’re doing. And I think a lot of us just kind of go through life, right?
Like reacting and going the path that we think we are supposed to go, like you said, using all of those shoulds mm-hmm. . Um, so I can totally relate to those people and you know where they’re at in that. But even hearing, you know, the evolution between self-love, self-confidence, and self trust, you know, I think for me recently that trust piece has been like that last piece to the puzzle.
Um, and part of it is really that discipline piece in doing the things like you don’t want to do. Cuz I used to push myself and I had confidence, right? Like when I would go to a speaking event. But there was this like little part of me that didn’t really fully trust myself. So I would try to memorize everything that I was gonna say because I didn’t really trust myself fully.
And then I had this, this last speaking event that I did a while back and I just went in there and I was like, I’m gonna trust, I’m gonna trust that what I have to say is far better than anything that I could ever come up with that I could write down in there and I’m just gonna speak for my heart and my soul.
And I got up on that stage and I was only supposed to speak for like 45 minutes, but they told me I could go as long as I wanted. And I ended up just like pouring up my heart and speaking for an hour and 20 minutes, all about healing in the place that we’re coming from. And it was far better than anything that I could have ever, you know, planned or put on paper.
And what’s so incredible, it was like this, this limiting belief that I ended up breaking through. And as a byproduct it was like ever changing thereafter. Like I developed this trust in myself. I felt like I never had. And I had realized too, like I was doing all this work to like trust myself, trust myself, and doing some of that inner.
But I had to prove it to myself, right? Like I truly had to prove it to myself. I had to put myself out there. I had to be completely vulnerable. Vulnerable, like getting up on stage, like not physically naked, but be like, I’m naked. Yeah, I’m here. Like I’m speaking for my soul and my heart, and I’m 100% my authentic self.
And walking away with that and just feeling like, holy shit. Like I did that and I didn’t even care at that moment. Like if people liked it or they didn’t like it, and if I got such incredible, you know, reviews of the people who I, I really was able to touch with that talk. But for me it’s like those, like that was a big thing.
But I also think it’s like those little things, right? Like throughout the day and now I, I notice like every time those thoughts come up that are like, You can’t do this, You know, you’re not gonna, And I’m like, that’s not true. And I can refer back to the proof that I’ve really been able to create for myself.
So it, it’s really cool to hear you kind of break it down into those five different I increments because I, I didn’t know any kind of like protocol, just kind of like I said, been this like unbecoming and really stepping into like my authentic self, but that trust there. Um, I know one thing you speak about quite a bit, and I know has been a huge part of your life though, has been fitness.
Mm-hmm. has been fitness and that discipline component and how a lot of the things that you do with like being a black belt and not a black belt,
Roxanne Saffaie: not a black belt in jujitsu, that would be so amazing. I’m going off outta your name. Black
Rachel Scheer: Belt Beauty. I
Roxanne Saffaie: know. Well, that’s a funny spin off. Um, I mean, to me, so black belt is the highest standard right?
In martial arts. Okay. And in my, their interpretation is to live from the highest expression of yourself. Is to live a beautiful life. And that’s black belt beauty. So yeah.
Rachel Scheer: Black belt and heart, soul life. But you just do, you know, fitness part of your life for so long. Yeah. And for you, that’s really been a catalyst for a lot of these things.
Roxanne Saffaie: Yeah, Yeah. No, absolutely. And I just wanna jump in. I can totally tease that out. Um, cause it is so true and there’s a lot to talk about in that space. But I wanna acknowledge what you just said really quick about that experience with you. Cause first of all, I love listening to you because I know I’m, I’m, I’m listening to someone who’s really speaking from their heart.
And I always talk about, um, you know, there’s a girl today, like I saw, I was at a store and she’s like, Oh, do you get nervous to speak? I’m like, Well, no. Cause I don’t, I don’t speak from up here. I speak from here. Mm-hmm. . So there’s nothing for me to think about because it’s just. True, whether you like it or not.
Like I, you know, But you know, this is so important, Rachel, because what you did is, is when you, when you show up as just, just in quotations, you, and you go in and, and that’s what you’re expressing. This is really where true self confidence. Cause it’s because you’re not being anything but yourself. Mm.
Right. There is no performance. So it’s amazing that, and I had no doubt like that at the end of that story, that, you know, it would be full accolades and like people just because people feel when you’re speaking from the heart, It’s a different frequency. You know, to kind of just put a bow in this little section though, how do you cultivate real self-trust?
I would say there’s no handouts to self-trust. You. You have to, you have to be willing to say to life, to the world, I’m going to show up. I’m as who I am. I’m going to go for it from whatever my heart is guiding me towards. You know, even if it doesn’t make logical sense at time, at times. Um, and in fact, most times it won’t cuz the brain wants to protect us, right?
We need proof. We need proof. But it’s really the way, it’s really the way that you. I mean, I’m sure after that event you felt a different level of reverence for yourself even. Mm-hmm.
Rachel Scheer: massive, Massively right? Massive trust, massive confidence. And you know, it was a different type of confidence too. It wasn’t like the confidence of like unfit, I have abs.
Like I’ve leaned on that confidence like when I was younger, but it wasn’t like that true confidence of like that authentic self, like putting myself out there. It was like it was this next level. I was like, I didn’t even know this existed. This feels awesome.
Roxanne Saffaie: It’s cause you’re so vulnerable too. You know, you’re really just like, Hey, I’m just gonna go ahead and be me, and you’re so vulnerable.
Because here’s the deal, there’s no costume. So if there’s any like negativity or kind of like, um, any feedback that doesn’t feel good, it’s gonna really hit you in a different way because you’re really showing yourself, right? You’re not, it’s not the performance of Rachel. And does that make sense? It’s like, and I’m not saying that you’re gonna own it, own the negativity or like embrace it.
But I’m just saying that we, when we are acting from our most, you know, living from our most authentic self, we are more susceptible to being. You know, hurt from feedback that, you know, might not feel good because we’re really showing you our true self. And, you know, that’s, that’s, that’s one of the greatest reasons why most people won’t show up as their authentic self, because rejection fucking sucks.
It hurts, but every time you stand up to the possibility, forget about what actually happens. Right? But to the possibility of rejection, man, this is why, like, you know, any room, it doesn’t matter who’s in the room with me and who they’re, they have this, there, this, that, that I don’t, I’ve always been loyal to who I am.
So there’s an essence and a a different relationship that I walk around with myself that has nothing to fucking do with status, such so that I’ll be in any room. And it just, I, I, like my head is up here. No, I’m not like pr like, um, trying to show anything, but I’m saying like there’s a different level of confidence when you’re being loyal to your authentic self.
Mm-hmm. , because you’re saying to life like, like me, or not rejection or not. I’m gonna be who I am, and that’s real love for self, you know? So, I know, I know. That was like, whew. Just, you know, But that happens with me. .
Rachel Scheer: No, I, I actually wanna go in that because I think, you know, you can’t have confidence when you’re showing up, you know, as who you think you should be and how you think you want.
Other people will accept you because as a byproduct of that, you’re, you’re really rejecting yourself, right? Yes. How can you ever be truly, truly confident in yourself? Like, you could stand up on stage and give a performance, and it’s a performance of Right, How you think, you know, you should be and get, you know, a standing ovation and everyone applauses, but you’re, and you may feel good about that for a while.
But you’re like, That wasn’t really me. That wasn’t the authentic self. But it’s completely different when you get up there and you’re like, I’m naked here I am. Yeah. And I’m putting it all out there. And you don’t give a fuck. You know if people accept you or, or you don’t, because in that moment what you’re actually do is you’re like, I’m accepting myself.
I’m putting myself out there. And that matters far more. So yeah, some people may like it, some people may not like it. You know, I don’t care, but this is me and this is who I am. And I think that’s just so freaking powerful.
Roxanne Saffaie: It really is. And it, and it’s, it really, it gives, I, I, it, I feel like it gives people, you know, permission or inspiration both to go, well, okay, maybe it’s safe for me to be my authentic self too.
I mean, you have to cultivate that within yourself. But, you know, the truth is, I believe that there’s more people not operating from that. And I, and I don’t even say that from a judgemental perspective, because I understand that there’s real fucking fear. You know, that’s holding people back from doing it.
I, and I get that, I get it from being a neuroscience geek and actually understanding neurobiology and how the brain works, but I also understand that there are, you know, it’s like this fear of loss, right? It’s usually a loss feeling of you’re, you’re fearing you’re gonna lose something, right? So I, Im very compassionate and empathetic to the reasons why, but I really, I’m, I’m such an advocate and so passionate about going, I get it.
But trust me, the power that comes from empower is, it’s a healthy empowerment, right? That comes when you say yes to you continually, no matter what. Even if you are going to lose something, maybe. Somebody that you want to like you, but now they’re not gonna like you or that job opportunity because the integrity inside is like, uh, I, I, I can’t be who you want me to be brand.
I gotta be me, so I’m gonna miss this opportunity. Quotations money. I’m saying there’s so many reasons why, right? I don’t wanna let somebody down, right? But it’s, there’s pain on either side, okay? So you’re gonna either put yourself in a closet and say, Sh, quiet to your authentic self. Whether you realize you’re doing it or not, like you are, you’re cheating on yourself, you’re putting yourself in the closet.
You’re not important, you’re not as important as this being very specific about my words right now. And that’s gonna hurt. Because even if you don’t feel it in the initial, it’s a slippery slope. You will keep putting yourself your truth in the closet and then, you know, later in life, like this is a classic story.
I say this often, but like you can. You hear the story of like somebody who on paper is so successful and, and granted like in a lot of great ways a career, but they’re so disconnected from self that they don’t know who they are. So maybe now they have to go on some massive spiritual journey to try and like come home to self or they have to like, I don’t know, bec, But the whole point is, is that because they, they did that, they didn’t say, you know, they didn’t stay true to their authentic self.
Mm-hmm. on the other end of it, you being true to your authentic you. Oh, be ready, You’re gonna get tons of rejection challenge, there’s gonna be discomfort, pain. You’re now, what I’m trying to say here is you can avoid the pain, the discomfort, the suffering on either side. It’s gonna happen no matter what.
Choose which side. I say you say choose you. Choose you. Because here’s the thing, Rachel, it’s like, Whenever I have to make a decision, one of the most important and I decisions are very important to me, my future self, my highest self. I see this woman as like, Man, that’s a woman who made some bad ass decisions.
Like powerful, not right, wrong, good, bad. Like, I don’t use that powerful or maybe not so powerful, right? Just some power when I need to make a decision, I try on future pace, like how will I feel when I look back at this? Can I stand in it? And even if it meant like, Oh, I’m being true to my authentic self and I had to kind of let somebody down or whatever.
But if I can stand in it, then I’m going, right? Mm-hmm. . Um, but if I can’t, then, you know, that’s not the decision to make for myself. But, you know, altogether here, the, the main point to drive home is look, choosing you, choosing your authentic you does not. Make you immune to challenges, discomfort. I say, actually get ready.
You’re gonna have to deal with it a lot. Right? But also understand this, you not choosing you, I feel is insidious and way more painful because you’re fucking denying your self and you feel it, you know, whether you wanna admit it or not. And a lot of people don’t wanna admit it. Numbing all the things. So I, I think
Rachel Scheer: this is also too, you see so many people, like you said, who are ultra successful, but they’re, they’re miserable on the inside.
They’re depressed, they have anxiety, they have all of this. And like they go on this whole spiritual awakening. And from the outside looking in, you. We had no idea. I thought they, they were happy, they were successful. They had all of these things, but so much of it was a byproduct of who they should be and kind of following that path of, oh, they liked this, they proved of this, they want more of this.
And it’s just like this whole rank kind of like pathway. Yeah. That they go down and they get to this place and they’re like, Who? Who am I? I don’t even know who I am anymore. Like the, who is this version of me? And it’s like, go to work, put on the mask, show up based off of how everybody else, you know, we believe that they want us to, but that’s not even the truth either, right?
Like, that’s not even the truth. Because I think part of that beautiful journey is, you know, this version of ourself that is authentic. Is gonna be the one who actually makes that massive impact. It’s far better than any version of ourself. Like I said, with my speaking events, like when I used to do, when I first got started, cause I just, I was so fearful, like you said.
Yeah. And I was in that place of fear of like, they’re not gonna like me when I’m gonna say is not good enough. You know? And then there’s all of that underlying like negative self-talk and belief. So it was like, let’s put on this mask of this image of like, try to be perfect. And it was so much pressure, like, oh my gosh, the anxiety leading up to something like that was awful.
And even if I did well, yeah. Like I was like, I
Roxanne Saffaie: am dead
Rachel Scheer: and beat. And it, it’s so different coming out of doing something like how I used to versus coming out of this because you leave with the power. You leave with the power and you actually feel energized from it as a byproduct and you’re like, you know what?
You know, I can see like this is actually what’s gonna get me. You know what, what I want in my life. It’s not gonna be this, you know? And people are gonna see that, and they’re gonna connect with that. It’s far better than what we could have envisioned or thought people wanted. The version of ourself is gonna win 10 times over again.
Roxanne Saffaie: So true. We don’t need more artificial food. We don’t need more artificial anything. We don’t need artificial talks. We don’t need artificial, you know, yeses or nos. Like we need truth, we need raw, we need whole, you know, And to me, you know, you showing up in those moments, being you, that is you. It’s raw, it’s wild, it’s whole.
And that is so much more fucking badass, beautiful and impactful and really a service cuz you’re fucking beautiful, you know, you’re a beautiful energy, beautiful soul. You have be true wisdom and experience. So it’s like, shit, let that out. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. , like, it’s, it’s so, it, there’s so much more of an offering and I think that’s where the trust comes in.
It’s, it’s, you know, Do you feel like you’re enough? Like you just, you quotations just being you can that be enough to fucking serve, to contribute, to impact? You only know. When you go Right. And now you, you definitely know and I’m sure like any talk that you’re about to go give, it’s just, you know, a different experience going into it.
It’s like, what’s, what are you preparing for? Like, it’s all within you, you know? Mm-hmm. . Yeah.
Rachel Scheer: Just gotta let it out 100%. And you know, for you have, would you say that this has been something you’ve always had or is this something you’ve had to also kind of step into over the years? Cuz I know. Oh my goodness.
Looking back, I was the most self-conscious person in the world when I was, I was younger. Yeah. Um, and part of that was I was a dancer, I was a performer, so I always had this mindset of like to perform and there was a lot of that, you know, pulling back the layers, breaking through that. Yeah. But for you, you know, as this been something that you’ve really had to cultivate over time.
Roxanne Saffaie: You know, in so many ways I got lucky that, you know, I have, um, so I come from a big family five, there’s five of us siblings, and I have an older sister. I’m second in line, and then I have three younger brothers who, if you look at them, they’re all like older brothers, like, you know, fit athletes and, but we trail behind like a year or two years.
Right. And I grew up, um, very physical, you know, as a competitive runner. When I was younger and wanted to go to the Olympics, it was like, you know, um, but me and my brothers specifically, my sister’s very much a part of our, she’s so close, but she, she’s six years older than me, right? So, um, there’s a lot of like, almost like mother energy, you know.
But my brothers and I, it was almost like I was an older brother, but I was totally the sister too, right? So, but what was so cool is that, um, , you know, there was never this like, Oh, it’s a girl and my si like I was kicking my brother’s asses and pull ups and pushups and like, but it wasn’t. There was no boy girl.
It was like, oh, Roxanne. You know what I mean? I, I do feel like that contributed to part of my confidence, but I think this is another bigger piece. There’s no bullshit in my family. You’re getting called out and we all, we’re all alphas. We all have opinions and like, you’re not getting away with shit. Like there’s no costumes like , please.
So, you know what happens is like you, you know, in in, in my internal world with my family, when you are just constantly showing up as you and whether anybody likes it or not. So whether my brother, you know, when I started like going gluten free and they’re like, you know, gluten free, You know what I mean?
Like, you know, it’s like, well yeah, fucking gluten free. You know, I would, I, I like, I would fight back cause I grew up in that environment with so much love. But, you know, I guess I learned how to. You know, fight for myself too. Right. Because the, the only other option would be to become smaller or submit in those moments, but that was never an option to me.
Right. Right. So I think my upbringing actually really did help with my ability to, you know, just continuously say yes to me. Right. But there were certain, there were other moments where it’s like, it’s kind of crazy when I look back and I’m like, Wow. I’ll never forget quick story that I think is cool.
Just to insert here. That goes really with the question. I was in the, I, I think I was in the fourth grade and I always kind of like found myself in friendships with, um, the quote unquote popular girls, even though I didn’t give a shit. Like, I, I really have never had that. I was struggled with everybody.
Right. But this one, uh, you know, in fourth grade, um, It was this one group of girls and there was this one girl, this one day we’re at recess and this one girl was like in the group. She was kind of a bully. You know, Katrina no against, nothing against Katrina’s, but that’s her name calling her out right now.
And I’ll never forget, you know, she’s, So we’re on the, we’re all on the playground and there was this one very introverted, very shy girl, um, different culture who’s like playing handball with herself and the bully sees this and starts talking shit. And I can remember this Rachel, like it’s now, cuz it was so.
Like, it just, it tripped me out. It was so impactful. And I can see, and this is like my, I guess just, you know, a kind of higher sense of emotional intelligence, like just even at a very young age, but I’m watching the other girls get really uncomfortable in the group because they, inside, this is the authenticity, uh, authenticity piece.
Mm-hmm. , they’re not necessarily in agreement with her. I can see that because this girl’s just like playing like by herself and this girl’s just digging into her digging and, you know mm-hmm. , and I’m looking, and these girls are going along with her, but I can see that they’re uncomfortable. It’s like the classic story of me girls, like, you’re watching the movie, you know, and I’m looking and I’m like, I’m disturbed.
Mm-hmm. . Now here’s what’s so trippy when I look back, it’s very dangerous to go against the tribe, Right? This is like, you know, incestual times, right? Like, we are not wired. To go against this kind of leader, which I think, I think for me in hindsight, it’s like, it just shows my autonomy. There was no leadership over me.
Right. But in general, like the concept is the leader leads and you go with it, or you’re banned from the tribe. And that means like you could die. And especially at a very young age, like it’s very easy to, You don’t, you don’t, you haven’t really formed the steep connection with self yet to be able to go, Nope, I’m not with this.
Right. I don’t stand for this. But I was so bothered and I see these girls going along with her and I was like, I couldn’t have it. So I, I, I fucking walked over to the girl and I was like, Can I play with you? And in front of those girls, I just started playing ball with me. Wow. You know? And then the other girl, like the bully.
Sees that and it’s like the ultimate dis, you know, and just starts that then talking shit on me. And then it was like I was just waiting for her, like, Oh, slept good. Like we went toe to toe and then like a movie. The teacher comes right at that moment. And you guys, Yeah. So nothing happened between us. It was about to, the teacher came, but it’s such an important memory for me because I have proof that back then I said yes to my truth.
Wow. And I didn’t have to, I could’ve, but I looked at the other girls, I’m like, You guys don’t wanna agree with her right now, but you’re afraid. Again, this is where the compassion piece, I understood. I’m not judging them, but I would never, ever let myself become that number one, nobody rules me. I rule myself.
It’s a core value of my autonomy. And number two, it wasn’t right. You know, So I’m not, not going into that energy and, and following your league, but. That, you know, it’s, that story is, is really when you asked me like, have you always been this way? Listen, I’ve had a lot of insecure moments. I gained like maybe 40 pounds on my five, four frame after three knee surgeries.
And I knew that that wasn’t my way. I wasn’t a, you know, like, it was just, wasn’t my body composition. I ha I, i, can I gain weight all over, luckily, but in those years getting dressed sucked. You know, you go from having an eight pack out the, the womb to like, Huh, what’s happening? You know? Um, so the reason why I’m inserting that here is because I’m not at all trying to say that I don’t know what insecurity feels like or being uncomfortable in my own skin or being kind of, but there’s something that I think just from a very young age that was drilled into me that I, I connected with, which was.
Like, like it or not, fighter, like, let’s go like whatever it is. Like I’m going to be me, you know? Even in my own uncomfortable skin, even in my, you know, excess weight where I feel uncomfortable, I’m, I’m still not gonna walk with my head down, you know? And maybe that’s a gift because, and that’s part of why I’m in this position now to speak and to, you know what I mean?
Like, cuz trust me, I’ve thought about this a lot. Like how did, like, you know,
Rachel Scheer: so I, I think that’s so rare, you know, because like it’s not normal for a little girls to see that happening at a playground because we care at that age so much about fitting in and being accepted. Yeah. Which is sounds like why tho those other girls were like, Oh my goodness.
Like this doesn’t feel right. But in that moment they cared more about fitting in in their own acceptance. Yeah. You know, over what their true belief system was. And I think a lot of us will like, we’ll have that intuition that comes up with like, Ooh, this doesn’t feel right this, this doesn’t feel like this is the direction I should be going in in life or what’s happening here.
But we, we reject that based off of wanting to fit in, whether that’s society or the group we’re a part of, like as humans, we care so much about what other people think. Right. And I think in that moment too, also it sounds like you were like, I don’t care what anybody thinks. This is what’s right. I’m going my own pathway and I.
I’m choosing me and I’m also choosing this girl and standing up for what I believe in. Yes. And I think that’s just so freaking powerful to thank you know that intuitively at a young age,
Roxanne Saffaie: you know, I don’t know what I do too. I was conscious of like, this is from a psychology perspective of like what was happening, but that’s what I’m saying.
I look back and I’m like, Roxanne, that was actually a big deal that you did that because mm-hmm. , you risk a lot. I mean, that’s really self, you know, why people reject themselves is because, again, like they, they haven’t developed real trust in themselves and they’re afraid that if they don’t do the thing, there’s some kind of loss and it’s going to create such a level of pain that they maybe won’t know how to recover from that.
They, they don’t, they don’t. To be true to self. Right. But the, the, it’s so interesting because when the more you choose to say yes to self, the more you develop. What I, how I frame it, is this unbreakable relationship with yourself. So no matter what, Life throws at you or what you face in life. It’s like, man, you got your back.
You’re on your team the whole way through. So it just, it’s a complete, but you have to, It’s like you, like you said it earlier, you know, now you can always look back and like you have reference, you have proof, you have to build this. Like, I wish that we could just say, Oh, you know, just channel it. And it’s just easily, like, you can download it.
Like it’s all there. I, I believe that, you know, listen, a lot does happen in the mind to be intentional to, you know, set you up to do things that can be hard and to move through hard. But I do think there’s something about being in a physical world and a physical vessel for a reason. Like, we’re in a body for a reason.
We are not just consciousness like mm-hmm. , you know, and in my world, And I know in your world, and this kind of can bridge the fitness, but it’s like I leverage my physicality. I leverage this physical vessel for me to create the proof that I know want and need to cultivate the life that I wanna fucking live.
Right? And so that really does segue into like, yeah, using. I was actually thinking of you this morning, like lifting heavy. No prs, but like, it was a heavier, and I needed it, Rachel. Mm-hmm. , like, I just, I’m like, I wanna feel my fucking strength this morning, you know, because I’m, I’m moving through some hard stuff.
Business is out, whatever, and it, and the skill transfer is incredible. Mm-hmm. because you take it out of the gym and you put it into whatever other area you need in your life, but you have proof, you know?
Rachel Scheer: Yes, definitely. And I, I think for people too who maybe didn’t have that when they were younger and like you cultivated that, but I would imagine it’s like that muscle, like you have to keep using it.
And I know for me, like fitness has been that part for me. Like it is a part of who I am. Um, I have this story I always tell, and there was this guy in the elevator one time, and he’s like, looking at me, kind of checking me out, up and down. But he had a question I knew. I I just kind of, by the way, his face and he was like, How, how, how long have you been training for and how do you stay so consistent in it?
And he kind of stumped me for a moment and I kind of. And I was like, Well, you know, I was a gymnast and as a dancer growing up, and then I got into weightlifting and body building in college and then now I just trained because I love, And I was like, I don’t know. I’m an athlete. I’m an athlete. That’s who I am.
And I realized there in that moment the difference between me and him and just kind of the way that our brains operated. And not that that can’t change over time. Sure. But it was a part of me and who I was, It was my identity. I was an athlete. This is how I show up on a day to day basis. And when I say I’m an athlete, it’s, I don’t mean like I’m an athlete just in the gym or just in fitness.
I’m like, I’m an athlete. I push myself. This is just how I show up in general in life. I’m a, a life athlete. Wow. And you know, here he’s like, how do I just stay consistent with working out? And it truly has to be that part of your identity at the core. Otherwise, it’s just gonna be something you do. Like I’m doing a diet, right?
I’m, I’m going to work out at the gym, but it’s not like I’m a healthy person. Yeah. I choose health. I choose myself. I, I am a, I’m an athlete. There’s a, a huge, massive difference between those two. Right. And I think, like, fitness for me, you know, because I, I didn’t have that upbringing growing up. I was a very insecure, you know, little girl, super shy, introverted, still I introverted.
But I’ve been able to cultivate that I think through, through fitness number one. Um, pushing myself further and further doing things where I’m in the moment I’m like, I don’t wanna do this, like my body is gonna give out and I’m like, Nope. You just keep going. You keep going. And it’s like that self dialogue that really transfers in those other areas.
It’s the same thing with the ice bath. I think that’s been one of the biggest catalysts for me. But then also what you talked about earlier is like having that space to really just like go inward and like connect with myself. And that now is so, such a crucial part of my morning. Like I have to do that before I do anything else.
I don’t know how my, my boyfriend Aaron can just like wake up and get into his work and just immediately start doing stuff. I’m like, Not me. I need, you know, minimum of him an hour. And I will wake up earlier if I have to. Like, I will skip sleep, I will do whatever to have that time for myself, you know, and I’m just like you with meditation and journaling, and then I have to just like move my body.
Then I’m like, yeah, I’m ready to tackle the day there. But I think like for those who didn’t really have that, and I’m struggled with that, it’s like, Do some hard shit, like do some things where you really have to overcome. Right. And I think fitness is just such a beautiful gateway drug to cultivating a
Roxanne Saffaie: lot of that too.
It totally is. And you know, there’s this, like so often on my stories in the morning when I’m moving, I’m like, Hey, you know, I’ll do the invitation or the call out. Like, Hey, do this in spirit. Get in your body. You have to get in your body. You wake up and you’re just, you have to create the connection with your body is what I’m trying to say.
Movement, whatever that is. Yoga, walking. I mean, I have all kinds of, you know, different modalities of movement. I know you do too. It’s like, but the point is, is that you have to you just the same way that we sit down and we meditate. Do the breathwork, do the, you know, for me, journaling, it’s like, that’s like me going into my heart, my consciousness, my highest self, like connect.
Again. Then there’s the physicality aspect of things, right, which, yes, your mind is active and you’re connecting with your mind the whole time. In those moments, like we were just talking about skill transfer, but I do think there’s something about feeling your actual body, turning your fucking body on to have it work.
In your favor work for you. You know, because it is, we’re here in this body for a reason, you know, So for me, I’m like, cool, like, let me leverage this physical festival to my favor so that it’s supporting me in every avenue of my life. And I love that you say, you know, you’re a life athlete because it’s, you know, it’s the same for me.
It’s like, yeah, I don’t compete in anything, but life is my sport. And as an entrepreneur, as a, you know, high performing woman, as a path creator. So living from my authentic self, which means like, I’m literally, I call it the scenic route. Like, I’m not on the highway, go this way, do that. Turn exit here. It’s like I’m in the fucking jungle.
I don’t know what’s coming next, but I’m listening to within, to, you know, move me through this, you know, very raw terrain that is called, you know, the scenic route in my world, you know, But, you know, for me to, to have to do, to, to be able to call in. You know, all the parts of me, the mind, the spirit, you know, um, the energy, the physical support, all of it is really, you know, it, it, it makes such a massive difference.
And this is another reason why, again, I, I love you and your work because you do not look at just one thing. You could be, you know, I know gut health is obviously a huge focus, but even in gut health, it’s like you, you’re looking at all these parts because you cannot just go, Oh, well here, it’s, you know, the herbs, it’s like,
Yeah. Or take out the gluten. It’s like, no. It’s like, how are you sleeping? Like, what’s your internal dialogue like, because that’s actually information just like food. Just like sunlight, right? So yeah, it’s, so when you feel, this is another thing. I know we’re so we’re, we’re so synergistic on, but it’s like when you’ve gone from feeling like shit, whatever that means.
So you, you have the gut issues with me, I have the knee surgeries scan all the way, right? And you know that feeling and plus I, you know, was eating American diet like, you know, it was eighties, whatever. And then you move into this other space with yourself, this other. Connection with yourself and your health and your, and you start to feel what that’s doing on every level.
So not just the physical, not just so I look good in my clothes, or not clothes, but like I actually wake up and I’m like excited to live my life. To me, that is number one point of success. Do I wake up with energy? Do I wake up, you know, excited and perky and you know, just inspired to move into my day?
And I’m very fortunate that that is the dominating energy. I’m not saying, I don’t have days where I’m like, you know, fucking hormonal . I’m like, Ugh. Cause that’s a real thing. But you know, a hundred percent straight up, like it is the dominating energy I wake up between, depending on when I went to bed and I go to sleep early 4, 5 30, no alarm, not needed.
Wake up with energy, move into my morning ritual, which is that time with me doing all the things. Um, I’m also not fragile or rigid about it. Like if one day I don’t get to journal because you know, I just feel like I need to get out and move, like, it’s okay. But the whole point is yes, starting the day, first and foremost, with connection to self and doing, you know, diving into all these territories, mind, heart, energy, physical body, to cultivate the best experience within ourself to then be expressed on the external throughout the.
Rachel Scheer: Yeah. And what I’m really hearing you talk to is even like that emotional resilient side, because even like this week for me, like, I was like, I’m fatigued. I, I, I feel like physically I feel tired. And I think there will be so many times in our life we’re physically, we’re run down. Like we’re beat down, like we’re struggling.
You know? It, it’s a push. Definitely. Like I’ve been through that many times and I know in previous versions of me, like I would kind of shrink into that and then that’s where the anxiety and everything else would come from, you know? Cause there was like this resistance of like being there and now I can be in this place of like, I’m tired, I’m fatigued.
I didn’t maybe sleep very well last night. And you’re like, But you know what? Like I still feel. This is, this is a good day. Like, I am still excited about life. I’m still, you know, stepping in and showing up as my best. And I think our best of course, looks different on different days too, right? Like hundred percent.
You know? But I think as long as you’re like, I’m giving my best and I’m doing what I can to show up as that best version of me and fighting for that version of me. Yeah. Um, like you’re gonna feel good, you know, and it gets rid of a lot of those emotions instead of like shrinking into whatever physical feeling may be there.
And the same can be said, right? With fitness. Yeah. And we’re like, Oh, I feel tired. You know, this is, this water is freezing cold. And then we listen to that. And it can be hap happened after a night of sleep. It can happen all these times. But it’s like that emotional resilience piece, which is very different than that like physical resilience piece.
Cuz it’s like how we talk to ourself, right? Like through that. And it’s the thoughts we choose to lean into and what we choose to actually believe. Cuz now all thoughts come up and I’m like, That’s not true. That’s not true. Like, that’s why that’s lie. And then I can easily get past it. Like, it comes up, like, it’s not like it goes away completely, but it does like over time get like smaller and smaller.
Smaller. I won’t say like, you ever get rid of it, right? But it, I don’t think you do. It’s like you don’t trust that anymore. You’re like, this is actually the truth. And I’ve proven it to myself.
Roxanne Saffaie: I, one of my right, like writing affirmations that I love and it’s like a mantra, you know, when shit’s going down and I’m like, the truth of me knows.
Mm. You know, and it cuts through all the, uh, the, the chatter, the mind, the, you know, the, that’s. You know, trying to, you know, disturb my nervous system basically, you know, put me in a state of confusion or I don’t know, or whatever. And it’s like the truth in me knows. Um, I love what you just shared so much too.
I, I, I think it’s a good place to insert the self-compassion piece because you know, when this, this cultivation of, um, the relationship that you’ve created with yourself, right? The self-awareness, and then, you know, the self love, the self-worth, like all of that, then, so you wake up and you’re in a moment where you’re tired, Like you’re legit tired, you know, and, and maybe it’s just kind of like a low frequency day for whatever reason.
Tired hormones is not, but you still, you’re like, Okay, this is where the relationship is so fucking powerful. Because you can say, in my world, right? It’s like, girl rocks my love. I love you. I know it’s hard. Makes perfect sense. You’ve been charging, girl, you’ve been going, or this, this thing is really hard, or this thing really hurt.
I get it. Let’s just give it our best. Let’s just see what we can pull out of us. Like, let’s just go like, just whatever your best is right now, Like I just want you to try. Right. That is a real conversation with myself. Mm-hmm. , and I mean, just hearing, forget about hearing, feeling that energy, right? Like, how are you not gonna go, Okay, let me just, you know, try, Let me just, because you’re moving with love, you’re moving with respect.
You’re saying to self, I see here and feel you. We don’t have to succumb to like, Oh, submitting to, or like, I’m not gonna try or whatever, but like, Hey girl, like, I’m with you, but let’s just, let’s just go, like, let’s just do the best we can in this moment because we’re worth it because. It’s important to us, you know?
And if it’s like time to completely take your foot off the break and that, then that’s something that you, you’re in a better position to honor that as well in those moments because you, you really trust yourself. You really trust that. Like, hey, that’s the cue from my heart. My heart is saying back off right now, we’re safe to put the work down to not talk, or like whatever it is.
Um, but if you don’t have that relationship with yourself, then you’re up in your head a lot and you’re like, No, no, no, it’s not safe. I gotta keep pushing. Hello. Burnout, right? Disconnect self is how I see it. You keep going. So the, the, the big takeaway there is like, man, everything we’re talking about here, cultivating this really empowered, loving, unbreakable relationship with yourself.
In any which moment of your life, like you will be supported on a whole nother level, you know, in the examples I just gave you. So it’s just, it’s the ultimate investment, you know, And there’s so many ways to invest, you know, we’ve obviously talked about a lot of them, but you know, whether it’s, you know, um, doing the physical work, doing the ritual work, the conversations with yourself, like all of that stuff is an ongoing life investment that will continue to help you develop this empowered relationship with yourself and supports you to live from your most authentic self.
Which, I mean, to me, that is how you live a life of true, true fulfillment, which means to me, it’s inside and out. You’re not just winning on the outside, you’re winning on the inside. Yeah,
Rachel Scheer: that’s so, so powerful. And I love you so much Job . You came on my show here today and then oh, I could talk to you for like hours and hours and hours on, And I know everyone would also probably love it too, but not probably they would love it a hundred percent.
Um, but I actually have a very similar conversation with myself too, and I’m fatigued, which is interesting hearing that because I know when I’m tired, you know, it used to be so negative about myself, you know, like the fear of I’m not gonna be able to show up. Like I’ve had days where I didn’t sleep well and I’m like, I gotta go podcast.
I gotta go do this stuff. Yeah. And now the conversation has really switched to like, it’s okay, you know what, you might be a little bit tired. You be tired, but that’s okay because you’re still gonna show up. Yeah. And what you’re gonna say is still gonna be enough. And you know what? It’s actually gonna be perfect.
And it’s like all of that fear, just like completely, you know, shrinks away in that moment. Cuz it’s like you said that, that like compassion piece, but also like kind of a little push. Like, you’re okay, you can keep going, you can keep moving. Yeah. You’re not, everything’s gonna like fall to the ground and crumble.
Like, what you’re gonna bring with where you’re at now is going to be enough.
Roxanne Saffaie: And, and, and that’s also you saying yes to your authentic self in that moment. But just to, you know, drive home the point. Like, you know, because it would be so easy to be like, shush, racial, No, we got our sh we gotta, you know, But that’s not, that’s not the truth.
You know, the truth, Truth is saying like, No, we’re gonna, we’re gonna chill out. I love that you are in that place because with yourself, because you know, It’s so important. You know, you are in a beautiful position of leadership and, and you know, you’re, you, you are so empowering. You’re so inspiring. You have a beautiful community that appreciates you and loves you for great reason.
And, and you can speak from truth. And that’s where real power and impact is. You know, there’s too many performers, you know, so I love that you can, you can, you can speak to every side. You know, the hard, you know, that compassion piece. You, you’re not a girl who’s like, Oh, I’m gonna just, you know, make the excuse and, you know, no, you’re gonna push when you gotta push.
But you’re also not, you know, someone who denies those moments where your heart is. Hey, . Mm-hmm. , a hundred percent. That’s likes like, reel it in right now and just sit with their self or whatever that is for you. So I love that you’re there. Yeah. Thank
Rachel Scheer: you. Well, if you, you know, for someone who’s listening right now and like they’re hearing all of this and they’re like, I have no idea like where to start with this.
Cause I know like you and I can connect on Yeah. Like, we get it. And a lot of people who’ve, who’ve done the work, which is a lot of the people who listen to my podcast, what would you say is the most important piece to start with?
Roxanne Saffaie: I think the most important piece is, is sitting with yourself and ask yourself some questions.
This is why journaling is, it’s huge. Mm-hmm. , I’m always gonna point to journaling, number one, because journaling is also different than meditation. I think meditation is, is, is the next step. And it’s such an important step. Um, but it really journaling. is you being in a room with you. And it’s not easy for everybody.
That’s why I created the guided journal, you know? Mm-hmm. , because I know that sometimes it feels daunting to have a bla like, where do I start? Or I don’t know what if I wanna face what’s in here? But if you have a hard time being with yourself, I mean, that’s your cue right there. Mm-hmm. to go, Okay, I gotta go that way.
Because, Because you don’t ever wanna have a hard time being, you know, with yourself. Right. That one that needs to be home to you, that needs to feel, that needs to be your sanctuary. You have to build a sanctuary, you know? And to me, for me, the number one tool, the greatest, you know, attribute I believe that has brought me to be the woman I am today that is positioned to me to be in this.
Place with myself, you know, is that I’ve been writing the majority of my life. I have lived in my journal, I have stacks of them, you know, Um, so that, that for sure I, I would say is step number one. And then I, I would say this too. Look, you know, it’s like top down, bottom up, outside in, right? This is neuroscience, right?
How we’re getting our information. Um, journaling is very top down, right? Bottom up is hormones, you know, the, the health stuff, right? Like all of of that stuff outside in is external stress or sunlight. Community. Yeah. So just think of it for, I love the framework. You know, think about your bottom up and your outside in aspects as well.
Value and use your journal. What are your, what’s a day in the life of you look like? Don’t judge yourself. I know it’s hard. I know, but be a student of self. You wanna be a student of life? Well, you have to be a student of self. What’s your food like? What’s your sleep like? You’re just collecting information.
You need information because when you collect the information and you can actually see it, because most people aren’t even conscious of a lot of like behaviors and the habits and that. Then you go, Oh, well maybe, you know, if I improved my sleep a little bit, I wouldn’t wake up and feel so tired. And that energy decrease would, you know, like, or an energy increase rather, would support my work and my relationships.
So you’re, you’re looking at yourself from a very curious and do the best you can. Loving way where you’re really trying to learn information so that you can then go, What do I need to edit? How do I need to edit it? And then, and because everybody’s gonna be the different place, right? Some people need to adjust their health.
Some people maybe have their health, you know, the nutrition and the, but they don’t have the, the spirit, the energy, the self connection piece. So top down, bottom up, outside in is to me the most, the simple, easy framework way for people to start thinking about how to, how to kind of move from where they are to get into higher states and lean into your journal, this very sacred, safe room that’s gonna listen to you.
It’s not gonna talk back to you. It’s not gonna judge you. You know, any of that. It’s just there to hold space for you,
Rachel Scheer: for you, you’re authentic. You, it sounds like kind of that first piece of like that observation mode, but like really kind of taking note without that judgment piece. Yeah. That’s awareness piece.
And I’m a huge fan of journaling and you guys, she has the most beautiful journal that she sent me. And I, it’s a funny story because I actually didn’t know it first. It was from her when I got it and I was in the car and I’m like reading through it and I’m like, Who sent this to me, Oh my goodness, this woman is speaking to my soul because they’re just like such the, the most beautiful, kind of like entry to the entire journal about like what the journal has really meant for you and been this place and like who she’s been and how she’s shown up for you and throughout your entire life.
And I was just like, oh my goodness. Like this is the most powerful journal that I’ve ever, I’ve ever had. So if you guys wanna start journaling one, you need to head over to Roxy’s website. Definitely check out her journal. Because you said it’s self-guided, right? Like
Roxanne Saffaie: with the guided and illustrated self actualization journal?
Yeah. There’s sections in it that are very specific, uh, which you can totally ignore and like do whatever you need to do. Um, you know, I, I make that very clear in the beginning, you know, but I, I, these questions and these prompts are there to support you, to anchor you into the very specific sections that I’ve put into.
This journal. And then the other cool thing that I just have to share, because I worked so hard for four years, so like I never found a journal and this was so important to me. Um, I’ve never found a journal that has both lined and blank pages and I went through a huge phase in my journaling where I, I was like these big sketchbooks and it was I looking back, Rachel, it’s so funny cuz I’m like, oh my God, you were fighting for your autonomy.
I literally would write all over it. Purposely, like nothing tells me what to do. No lines are gonna direct me. Like I get to go where I want to go and get to be, you know, Not even the jail , that’s, but I love the lines now. Like I love the directional energy, I love the refinement. There’s a place for both.
So I had to find a really kick ass manufacturer that would say yes to all of my very specific, um, you know, details and, and yeah, you are the. That’s the name of the journal. And I, I love that you and I love that you didn’t know it was for me. It’s like coming at you from a talk back then.
Rachel Scheer: Now I’m coming , I’m I getting all these surprise things that are, but they’re so meaningful.
And I think that’s also too because, you know, sometimes you get gifts from people and you’re like, Oh, this person sent me gift. And it’s meaningful to just, they thought of you and they sent it to you, but it’s something else to like, just get something and you have no idea who it’s from and you’re like, dropped down from the universe.
Yeah. You’re like, this is so cool. This is so impactful. So I mean that like, with my whole heart, like it’s beautiful and I can tell that you put your heart and everything into that, you know, for, for people to really have that with themselves too. So, um, you guys definitely need to check it out. And the last question I have, because I know we’ve got way, way over No, no, no.
I’m, Today is what is something you’re super excited about right now?
Roxanne Saffaie: Oh my goodness. Um, so many things. Um, number one, our friendship. Truly like, like I can’t wait to come. Yes, hang out and lift some weights and eat some steak, and do all the hiking, ice bath. Um, one thing that I’m so just lit up by right now though is I just launched, um, the very first run of my first digital course.
Um, it’s a signature digital course. Your Future Self is, is the name of it and everything. You know, the premise of it is what we talked about in this beautiful talk, you know, building, architecting this ultimate relationship with your ultimate self. So I say future self, but for me, the future self is not just you a year from now, five years from now.
It’s the highest you, the highest expression of you that is always just in front of you, leading you. And she’s, she’s there for a reason or he’s there for a reason, right? Because it’s there to guide you, it’s your North star, right? But when you can get first of on, wanna get very clear on this. Frequency, this being that is you, and then cultivate a real connection so that you’re moving through your life in partnership with this being that is you.
I mean, that’s everything we talked about. Everything changes. I’m in a very deep relationship with my highest self teacher self. I call her my muse, also the woman in the mirror. Um, but yeah, it just, it just launched and, and we just started this week. So I’ve got incredible woman in this course who I’m so excited to support cuz there’s live coaching in it, you know, and, uh, to support them and to witness what is about to unfold.
It’s an eight week course, so it’s just, it’s really, really inspiring and they’re so lit up and I’m, yeah, I’m, yeah. There’s so many things, you know, when you, and you know, this, um, when you are really living from your authentic self and also I think it’s so important that you are. Cultivating a lifestyle that supports your optimal state of health.
You know, like just for you to be as, feel as healthy and in vitality. There’s just always so much inspiration and things that you’re like, you almost have to like con con like there’s so much creativity, you know, that you’re like, Oh my God. Um, but yeah, that’s, that’s the you, our friendship and my future self digital course.
Rachel Scheer: I’m honored and I, the feeling is mutual. I, I’m super excited to hang with you and continue to cultivate this friendship and the course sounds amazing. Is this something so people can jump in whenever, where it’s like kinda self afterwards, like set times throughout
Roxanne Saffaie: the year? Yeah, it’s that time. So they can definitely jump on the wait list.
I will open it up again. We’ll, I don’t know exactly when yet. Um, but it’s, it’s, it’s my baby. It’s actually the first, um, my first Teachable Experience book that. I’m writing cause I have poetry books coming. It’s, it’s all centered around this so it’s not gonna go away. I just can’t say yet when it’s going to relaunch.
When it’s gonna be. Yeah. But I would definitely, you know, for women who are interested, jump on the wait list because it will open back up and I just know firsthand what this relationship. That cultivating this relationship will do. Yeah. You know, for, for those who show up to do the work. Yeah. So
Rachel Scheer: you guys like, go check out Roxy’s website.
I’m gonna get it hurt from her here in a minute. But like, she puts so much content out there. Like, you guys can check out her podcast, Black Belt Beauty, and you guys can follow her on social media. You can get her journal, go to her website. Like you can get so much of this information that she’s already putting out there, like for free.
And you, if you wanna dive in a bit deeper, like join the wait list, like sign up for her course, like it sounds incredible. Um, get into journaling. So Roxy, I thank you wholeheartedly for coming on this show here today. Work and people find you follow, you get all the information.
Roxanne Saffaie: You’re amazing. Thank you so much, girl.
Um, black belt bd.com is the mothership. Um, it’s where you can find podcasts, you can find anything that you know how to work with me, the course, all of that. Um, and journal as well. Roxy look is my personal IG account that I’m, you know, very active on, um, especially stories. Um, and then there’s Black Belt BD as well, Instagram, so, so, yeah.
But Rachel, thank you so much, girl. I literally just, You know, so, so excited, so happy that we’ve connected and thank you. You know, because the day that we met, you know, you, you came up to me and started talking to me and I’m so glad you did. Weird
Rachel Scheer: is in myself being an I, but you know, when I walked into that being like, I’m gonna, and I told you this year two, I got, I gonna make an effort to try to talk to everybody in the room.
I am so great
Roxanne Saffaie: what you did, which is not like me. I love that you did. Cuz I’m so self-contained. I could just, you know, be there and kind of like, you know, people when they hear I’m introverted, they’re like, Huh, how could you be? So I’m sure you get that too. Cause we’re always out here talking, but it’s like, no, I’m so grateful.
And yeah, like I said, a million times, I’m, I’m really excited just to, to come hang out with you in the real life and, and we’ll definitely be, I’m gonna have you back on the show. Um, love that you’ve already been on there and yeah, just love everything you’re doing girls. So I am in your. Yes,
Rachel Scheer: the feeling is mutual.
I, I’m seriously so grateful to hang with you and to hang with you even again here, you know, later this weekend. So you guys go give Roxy a follow check out all of the stuff that she’s doing with her podcast, her social media. And if you enjoyed today’s episode, do me a favor, share it on your stories tag Roxy, take myself.
And this has been sheer madness.
Rachel Scheer is a Certified Nutritionist who received her degree from Baylor University in Nutrition Science and Dietetics. Rachel has her own private nutrition and counseling practice located in McKinney, Texas. Rachel has helped clients with a wide range of nutritional needs enhance their athletic performance, improve their physical and mental health, and make positive lifelong eating and exercise behavior changes.